Friday, April 22, 2011

Sam, San Francisco

You know the greatest lesson I have learned from blogging? I learned to be so fucking glad that I turned down my journalism master's acceptance, cause if I had gone to journalism school you know what I would be doing? I would be a publicist writing press releases about dog collages to blogs that have been essentially defunct for two years.

But I guess you win middle-aged Ken because I'm asexual now and have grown my nails to be almost a foot long so it's hard to type. (My new thing is trying to get the Guinness world record for not length of nails, but rather, volume of accumulated dirt under nails). Anyways, the point is I have lost my will to make jokes so instead why don't all of you go see some dog collages here.

Is this what publicists do? Do they just wear you down? Do they just tell you about dog collages so much that you are like fine, dog collages are a thing now. Well played then publicist. Well played. But you know who history will remember? Me. The dirtingest nail haver this side of the milky way.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Dmitri, Sydney

Submitted by Rosie: "This is Dimitri. I can't like-like him because he was my little 12 year old friend when I was about 16. But he grew up pretty fine. He and his little group of buddies are all equally male-model esque and break lots of little indie girls hearts in my hometown. (I use the word 'little' too much.)"

Yup totallly good looking. But I have a philosophical question: do we hate this guy? Like...not hate but would this guy be nice to you even?

Ok wait i have a fully formed thought now: the problem with this guy is either he wouldn't love you enough or if he did love you enough it would break his whole image of being too good for you. He is like, some sort of Chinese finger trap that is made out of paper though so once it traps you you break it right away. (Think about it! it's a good metaphor! I just drunkexplained it)

Also the cigarette pose. please, friend. we all learned how to make our cheeks look skinny yeaaaars (1-5) ago.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Frat Boys, New Zealand

Submitted by Lucy: "only in NZ"

Well Lucy, I don't know how accurate that is, personally I would replace that caption with "only in every frat house/bachelor party/teen party/boring party in every country ever". But yeah. hot in the faces/bodies. This I will give you.

Also this is me doing an impression of the guy on the right: "hey check dis out. joke over here.durhurhur (dumb guy laugh)"

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Sluttines Bell Curve

I have been slutting it up quite a bit recently and I had nothing to do at work today. So I made an infographic which I think pretty much sums up everything you need to know ever.

On an unrelated note, I invented a new word: Slunt. Feel free to use it in all contexts to describe anything or anyone.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Cyut Gay, America

Subnitted by Christine: "This is my gay brother's gay roommate. He's probs the cutest thing ever to roam the earth. Come on! Look at those hipster glasses. They went to art school together. So typical for the gays. Is it weird that I'm jealous of my brother?

Also, don't worry they graduated from college so he's at least 22! That shouldn't make you feel too much like an ancient dinosaur (don't worry, I'm in the same boat)."

Woah your gay brother's gay roomate, this guy is pretty gay amirite? I likes it. But 22...ewwww...so old. It doesn't even have a teen suffix.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Matt, Boston

Submitted by Heather: "This is my good friend Matt...[blablabla]..., and was always polite to the little fan club of girls that followed him around at school...is the only person I know that kept their eyes open for the entirety of 2 Girls 1 Cup."

This is exactly the makeover I tried to give Will the Mormon a few days ago. I totally should have given him those "rock" earrings though to complete the look though. Kudos Matt, Kudos.

I don't know what it is about this look that works so well for even the homeliest of twentyteens but it does. It is the perfect transition look for teens/Mormons/Christians who want to switch from Christian side hugs to front hugs/dry humping once they get to the big city and away from mom and dad.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

So Awesome Video!!!

But What Makes You Like Like on Vimeo.

I am getting multimedia up in this betch! But don`t worry MS Paint I will NEVER forget you.