Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Anyway, here is my favorite cute boy! He loves kittens, a small dab of glitter, aloe-vera juice, and singing in our band. He dislikes having a girlfriend (BOOOO!).
CBMMN: haha what a funny email! But there is no attached picture!
Georgia: OH NO I DID A FAIL!In all my haste I forgot the cute boy pic! Oh i forgot perhaps the cutest picture! What is it about boys playing guitar that makes girls prematurely ovulate?
CBMMN: Premature ovulation is always throwing a wrench into my plans! But I tend to ovulate more for keyboard\maracas\cowbell players myself. So all those little accidents and I are going to start a band. We will be called The Von Trapp Family Singers and we will tour the world. Climbing every mountain and solving problems like Maria.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Oh man! High school dream boy! Actually...still dream boy? No...punk rock has to evolve to some other type of music and zine has to evolve to top blog. Then we will be together!
Why were all the boys at my high school Quebec trash who did coke in the bathroom and had earrings and put my 'zine in the toilet then also peed in the same toilet?
Well actually, that was hot at the time too (sooo bad and hating me!).
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Thanks Gen! I'm glad that while three buildings burnt to the ground down your street you thought to take a picture of these sexy young ice-encrusted French-Canadian yeti heroes. That's dedication!!!!!
For more fireman\fire picture go here because Gen takes real pictures not finger in front of flash ones.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Srsly! Who needs family dinner and presents and hugs and drinking with your parents because you can do that now and a warm bed...when you can have a free trip to CHICAGO AIRPORT! Where you can dine on a mini kit kat you saved from the flight and watch yourself stranded and FAMOUS on CNN and curl up under a warm plastic bench with your suitcases tied to your neck with a scarf.
Anways, since none of the pimply Pilipino fast food employees sexually harassing me in tagalog were suitable I am putting a picture of my friend Adam that I took in Chicago when I was there before.
Adam is a number one man!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 22, 2008
In Internetland one can white-out the Indian tapestries on the wall and labrette piercings can be made barely visible and you can have a dreamboat. Unlike in real life where these details cannot be erased and are complete dealbreakers. Or not even breakers because you will never make the deal to begin with.
My mother doesn't understand how important things like this are. Which is probably why she called me from Canada to leave a message saying "oh hello. I just thought I'd tell you about the T.V. special I saw last night. It was about women who kept rejecting men for petty reasons when they were young and cute. Then all of a sudden they realized they were 50 and alone. And that they would just be alone until they died. It was sad really. Anyways, call me back!"
p.s. adorably drunk = not barfing?
Saturday, December 20, 2008
When I MSN asked him for his picture he asked me what it was for. And after looking at it he told me that it was a bunch of Spanish words that google translated to: naughty, hussy and vermin (?wtf?)
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Experts agreed that I am "so better" and proceeded to raise an imaginary roof placed a few inches above their heads.
When interviewed, I said, "puh, whatevah" but contradicted myself by transforming my face into a frowning emoticon, which then quickly morphed into a winky frown, a never before seen combination. Showing my ability to turn tragedy into innovation.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Well put Ashley. Anyways, did you know that Ottawa is the capital of Canada?!?!?! Well you should!!!!! I can name all the presidents in your nation's history! Yes even you Finland! Do you even know who the president of Canada is?!?!?!?
Trick! We have a Prime Minister! Actually it seems we have a queen now. If you don't know what I'm referring to it's because no one cares about poor old spinster Canada. No one wants to make her breakfast in the morning or still think she's beautiful even if she stops waxing because she has the relationship lazies.
This boy's name isn't really Suleiman. He just looks like my ex-roomate Suleiman who hated me more than life...probably because I was toooooooooooo awesome and because I yell when I talk.
Brown boys are underrated. They can be really babe. Like have you ever seen top Bollywood movie "Lagaan"? OMG the star is so hunk. I think their only downfall is wearing really ugly sweatshirts with swirly patterns on them and having really bad haircuts with swirly patterns in them.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
And maybe I should stop internet talking shit about boys in Toronto because I've already told everyone I know there that I want to sleep with them and\or think they have ugly clothes and it's going to be really shit when I go back. (It's kind of like when your friends break up with their shit boyfriends and you blow up the dam and say "Fucking finally. Man he was way too lame for you also he had B.O. and everyone talked about it" and then they get back together and you are foiled.)
And maybe I'm not very modern with my fashion because the first time I saw skinny jeans I thought "puh! that will never last!" so maybe there are new trends about which I am not hip to their ironic revival.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Kevin is the latter. Though he looks like he could silently judge you standing there in the corner with his poofy French hair and sweater. And then make you feel so bad about yourself that you try to hide it by acting extra whatever the lame way you were acting.
But no. He uses his power for good. Like making all his friends dress up as the nativity scene or making art with French magazines from the 50s or dressing like a gay to be more fashionable even though he risks the verbal abuse of other Parisians (they are sooo Slytherin)
Friday, December 5, 2008
a)smoke a lot ceegarette
b)beeg hair of like singer of dees group of music Joosteece
*Update: I just noticed something. Don't you think Clement looks like that French Ken on the banner?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Oh man I totally forgot about the Gino Revolution!!!!!!!!! Frankie is really a top gino specimen. What do you think? Are you ready for his gel-y (PUN!) or is he too ginoliscious for you??!!??
I bet one million dollars that he is drinking a mojito and that he enjoys automobile-themed magazines. And by dollars I mean jellybeans. And by jellybeans I mean units of nothingness because I cannot afford one million jellybeans plus who even wants jellybeans. This paragraph contains the word jellybeans too many times.
PS Are Ginos allowed to be "darling"? I thought that they preferred to be called "chill" or "nice" (not as in "kind" but as in "cool")
Monday, December 1, 2008
1- Yes I do remember that time I drunkenly wandered into your birthday party uninvited. Earlier I had also snuck into to some company's staff party and drank lots of their alcohols and gotten away scott free! haHA! Sneakily drinking alone while surrounded by strangers is the new not drinking alone!!!!
2-Ah reading a book a day. That goes perfectly with the rest of Brad's all-Canadian look. What with his trees and his tent and his self-satisfied socialist picnic table queen of england polar bear currency grin. Though he should probably be eating a granny smith apple or butternut squash instead of a banana. And be wearing a beer hat with one straw descending from a can of molson Canadian and the other from a can of maple syrup. And there should be french subtitles and a George Stromboalapoaloos being totally rad in the background applying gel to the hair of everyone around him and adding chains to their pants and talking about hard hitting issues in a hip and\or cool way that appeals to parents and kids alike.
3-Didn't Brad used to be a Cheese Hunk????
Saturday, November 29, 2008
"Hi, It's Félix (not Felipe). Really funny your blog. I remember you when we met at Parc de la Villette! And sorry for my english & my browning teeths!"
You had me at teeths. Oh wait that's the last word in the sentence...umm...*slowly starts walking out of room backwards talking on cellphone which didn't ring*
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thank you friend!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What is this "booboo boo"? I do not know.
I don't know what Northern U.S.A. state this Russian is wildly brandishing knives in but I'm assuming it's Alaska. Because the two are right next to eachother, zing! ( I know that joke is so three weeks ago but...remember Sarah Palin? HAHAHA! Watanidiot)
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Thank you Abby! He is really cute for a straight. I like how he is sad even though he is at the funnest place on earth!!! The fair!!!! That is just the artist attitude he needs to succeed!
Though I'm sorry but I had to change his outfit. If he wants to fit in with his printmaking classmates he must wear plaid only all the time!!!! And he must be sad even while eating ice-cream and having the world's bendiest arms.
Monday, November 17, 2008
The thing that is crazy though is that he's a policeman. Isn't that weird? All the policemen I know are, wait, I DON'T KNOW ANY POLICEMEN. Seriously, except when I get arrested they are the people I am least likely to interact with. I have a better chance of interacting with the following: criminals, gynocologists(coughstdscough), Canadian reality stars, Shell workers, dogs who think like humans and talk to me through their eyes, celebrities who will fall in love with me because I pretend not to know who they are and then they think I love them for the real them, pots of gold w\leprauchauns (evil), pots of gold with leprauchauns (gleeful\full o' beans), etc.
When he told me I thought it was one of those hAlarious "conspire to make this girl believe something absurd then all laugh at her" jokes. Like this time in high school where someone gave me a beer that turned out to be pee. Luckily the warmth of the cup tipped me off and that person got a face full of his own pee HAHAHA! REVENGE!
Anyways. Go listen to the lyrics of "Policeman in the clouds" ! Do it! It is one of the top cutest things of your life!!!!! And it's genius how it makes having one of the most reviled professions seem as cute and innocent as being a potter who makes pots shaped like cupcakes.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
On top of being a hunk Sam does wonderful Harlequin romancey paintings of mens. He is like how I would be if I were a gay and had a talent other than being the most beautiful of all.
BIFFBs !!!!! (the "I" stands for Internet and the extra "B" is for Bargain!)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
He saw I was taking pictures of people so was hovering around me posing and fashionably smoking a cigarette and trying to make eye contact and get my attention. Fucking finally! Why don't all the boys do that? Maybe if I wore a fedora myself with a note that said "press" sticking out of it I would get a little bit more respect around this god-forsaken town.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Yes I do agree! I like how Brian doesn't feel he needs to show a lot of skin like lots of boys these days (always walking around with v-necks down to their belly buttons and\or no pants, their hair un-hatted and hanging out all willy-nilly for anyone to see). On the same token I like how he keeps his eyes respectfully downcast at all times.
I also like how he is able to control evil space cats with his mind.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Luckily he also attracts fabulous melancholy French homos with the most perfectly tied scarves ever.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Well, I think you are playing up to my well documented affection for homosexuals named Kyle. No matter, the name tag is a nice touch (in case we were tempted to apply the connotations of other popular hunk names like Brandon or Corey to you).
If you are not a gay I still applaud you for straightening your hair and shopping at popular clothing retailer H&M. The latter is probably why your shirt has worn right through into a fashionable spaghetti.
The other thing I think is that if this picture were longer I would be charged with shmild shmornography (*code...don't want any wily google searches)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I paraphrase a litte, but only for you youth who don't understand olde english anymore.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Why don't they just put a bunch of puppies and kitties wearing Cat Prin costumes on stage alongside some babies dressed up as puppies and kitties.
Friday, October 31, 2008
The boys are always hot in a stinky, a little bit bad style way. But it has a particular aesthetic that isn't random, meaning it's something intentional that is being strived for, which makes being the most stinky-badstyley person hot. (1-1+1=1=1?!?!??!?!)
But probably the best thing about fanfares is that the girls in them are always suuuuch Liz Lemons because the boys can see their inner-beauty (I'm assuming\projecting).Though they are not pictured because of the well-know now betches policy. Actually wait you can see half of a Liz Lemon in the first picture.
Ack why did I quit trombone lessons? Oh yeah because it made my lips numb, I hated it and I sucked.
*This fanfare is Called Fanfare Superstar.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sometimes the funniness is already included in the action. For instance when you slip on a banana peel. Sure you can say something witty afterwards like ¨woah I guess I´m not as mellow yellow as that yellow banana peel on which I just slipped¨ and make a funny situation THAT MUCH funnier. But it´s not necessary.
So sending a picture of your ex-boyfriend pantsless is already the greatest thing of my life, even if you didn´t make a hilarious, like...oh I don´t know...¨Looks like he left his PANTS where he left our relationship. On the floor!¨ No? Too soon?
*Name has been changed to the sexiest name ever
Monday, October 27, 2008
I take a French class with Valentino and what is so hilarious besides his being really gay about everything is that the French teacher clearly has never met a gay person in her life ever and has the most malfunctioning gaydar I have ever seen. Thus the course usually degenerates into a series of things going over her head while everyone else giggles.
Teacher: so do you party a lot in Italy?
V: Honey puhleeze. We party all night! We're right by the beach so you go to the club first then the beach after with whoever you meet if you know what I mean!!! HAHA Whoo!
Teacher: So you would meet a girl then take a girl to the beach after?
V: A girl?!? No I would NEVER take a girl to the beach. HAHAHA!
Teacher: Oh so you don't like taking your girls to the beach. You like to maybe take them out for dinner or another date activity?
V: (Looks around the room making a WTF face) you could say that HAHA!
Teacher: Oh ok. Good. That's very gentlemanly of you. You must be a real hit with the ladies!
V: And the gentlemen!!
T: Oh you have lots of friends too! A real top popular guy! Well hoorah! Hoorah for you!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
If boys were smart they would read CBMNN every day to learn how to improve themselves. Kind of like how I read Maxim. Before I would have never thought of wearing a bra for a shirt and an undies for a pants. Or for you British people "a pants for a trousers".
Thursday, October 23, 2008
That being said. And I'm not trying to be mean or spiteful because I "got rejected" (whatever. what does that even mean. pff. doesn't even mean anything) but does his Adam's apple resemble something else to you?
Hint: you can only see your own in the mirror
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
PUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scoffing exhalation of air)
I kid. Kudos NOW. Kudos.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Here is the CBMMN themesong\video I shot with my friends this weekend!!!!
LOLZ joking! I don't look like any of those dancers! For starters I have feet for hands and bloody ankles for feet.
Don't you hate how actresses these days all have fingers on their hands while male actors can have any number of different things for hands? Scissorhands for example? Or Captain Hooks?
It's given me such a complex that I have actually started gluing cardboard tubes covered in peach felt to my toenails ("hand"nails). Sometimes this prevents me from doing little stuff like turning door knobs. But in general men seem to find me more attractive because of it.
The only drawback is that when it's time for that long-awaited end of the night back pat or...dare I?...hand shake, they often fall off. And then the guy gets a little"oh shit I broke your finger off! aaagghahgh!" and runs away. Then I'm left with bluehands.
Warning about video: Though initially promising it only stays funny for about ten seconds.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Anyways, here's one fer ya. His name is Quentin and he's the singer for French rock and\or electro band Pollux from Rio. Veteran cuteboy Richard is also in this band.
What do you guys think about French bands who sing in English? Personally I find it annoying, then later charming, but with a sprinklin' of still annoying.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sorry about that. Anyways, about a month ago I contacted Jose and Rigo, owners and designers of the Colombian clothing line "Latin Lover". Although North Americans and Europeans may not have heard of it, it is pretty famous in South America. Which is kind of like being famous in Canada or dressing up like a famous person for halloween.
A few years ago I had an awkward threesome with them which I freaked out about and aborted--otherwise known as a regular threesome--and I thought it would be a good idea to interview them about it. After initially agreeing to an interview they abruptly stopped answering my emails once I sent them the questions.
I'm posting the one-sided interview anyways because it shouldn't go to waste just because some people are embarassed about their involvement with Canada's 15 000 000th most beautiful woman:
CBMMN: What was the inspiration for Latin Lover?
CBMMN: Has having a successful line of clothing made you have more girlfriends?
CBMMN: What is new and exciting at Latin Lover this season?
CBMMN: Remember that time we had an awkward threesome?
CBMMN: I was given the impression that if we made out I would get a free t-shirt but I didn't get one. That's a question.
CBMMN: That's ok I don't have threesomes for profit, that would make me a prostitute. Instead I have them for jarring memories that make me grimace involuntarily...you know why? Because I respect myself.
Monday, October 13, 2008
On a historical note, this last Toronto picture was taken at almost the exact spot where I took my first non-friend cuteboy picture of Edward, the one that set off a shitstorm of bitter balding male commentary on the Torontoist.
Back to Brook for a second. You know why he's so cute, besides genetics? Because he's mastered the female art of always making a cute face. I am alway trying to make cute faces while I walk down the street. Faces such as the "oh I forgot something!" face, or the "math is hard" face, or "yay! cookies!" face. Or as Brook is modeling for us, the "awww shucks" face.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
On a non-love-at-first-sight-note, it's crazy how much better non-whites look when they wear whitey hipster things like big glasses. This boy should tell his AZN friends it's time to trade in their aerodynamic white running shoes and diamonelle earrings. Or maybe not...They would be too powerful.