Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Scott from Georgia

Georgia: Hello friend! Let me just say I love your blog and am so jealous of your 200 boyfriends, I aim to collect that many some day! I just have to get over this small issue of ugly-face...
Anyway, here is my favorite cute boy! He loves kittens, a small dab of glitter, aloe-vera juice, and singing in our band. He dislikes having a girlfriend (BOOOO!).

CBMMN: haha what a funny email! But there is no attached picture!

Georgia: OH NO I DID A FAIL!In all my haste I forgot the cute boy pic! Oh i forgot perhaps the cutest picture! What is it about boys playing guitar that makes girls prematurely ovulate?

CBMMN: Premature ovulation is always throwing a wrench into my plans! But I tend to ovulate more for keyboard\maracas\cowbell players myself. So all those little accidents and I are going to start a band. We will be called The Von Trapp Family Singers and we will tour the world. Climbing every mountain and solving problems like Maria.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Tommy, Fantasyland circa ten years ago

Submitted by Rachel : "Tommy is still in high school but he's super adorable and punk rock. He's really into DIY (writes a zine and everything) and the environment. He plays drums and is a vegetarian."

Oh man! High school dream boy! Actually...still dream boy? No...punk rock has to evolve to some other type of music and zine has to evolve to top blog. Then we will be together!

Why were all the boys at my high school Quebec trash who did coke in the bathroom and had earrings and put my 'zine in the toilet then also peed in the same toilet?

Well actually, that was hot at the time too (sooo bad and hating me!).

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sexy Firemens, Montreal

Submitted by Gen: "Firemen are big and sooo strong! ;D Such beauties, come save MY cat!"

Thanks Gen! I'm glad that while three buildings burnt to the ground down your street you thought to take a picture of these sexy young ice-encrusted French-Canadian yeti heroes. That's dedication!!!!!

For more fireman\fire picture go here because Gen takes real pictures not finger in front of flash ones.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Adam, Chicago

Hey American Airlines!!!!!! TX so much for overbooking your flight! Not Sarcasm!

Srsly! Who needs family dinner and presents and hugs and drinking with your parents because you can do that now and a warm bed...when you can have a free trip to CHICAGO AIRPORT! Where you can dine on a mini kit kat you saved from the flight and watch yourself stranded and FAMOUS on CNN and curl up under a warm plastic bench with your suitcases tied to your neck with a scarf.

Anways, since none of the pimply Pilipino fast food employees sexually harassing me in tagalog were suitable I am putting a picture of my friend Adam that I took in Chicago when I was there before.

Adam is a number one man!!!!!!!!!!

Merry XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Nicolas, Paris

Submitted by Carla: "His name is Nicolas, he's French and breathes fire at parties while adorably drunk :) Luckily he's never set fire to anyone."

In Internetland one can white-out the Indian tapestries on the wall and labrette piercings can be made barely visible and you can have a dreamboat. Unlike in real life where these details cannot be erased and are complete dealbreakers. Or not even breakers because you will never make the deal to begin with.

My mother doesn't understand how important things like this are. Which is probably why she called me from Canada to leave a message saying "oh hello. I just thought I'd tell you about the T.V. special I saw last night. It was about women who kept rejecting men for petty reasons when they were young and cute. Then all of a sudden they realized they were 50 and alone. And that they would just be alone until they died. It was sad really. Anyways, call me back!"

p.s. adorably drunk = not barfing?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Juan Pablo, Uruguay

I met Juan Pablo in Venezuela. He is from Argentina and lives in Uruguay and is the closest living thing to an emoticon that you will ever see. And he has a really cute little notebook full of art and little shoes with drawings on them like he is a teen but I think he's late 20s. I had to fotoshoppe his new hippie/old asian man beard though: do not like. Neckbrace better.

When I MSN asked him for his picture he asked me what it was for. And after looking at it he told me that it was a bunch of Spanish words that google translated to: naughty, hussy and vermin (?wtf?)

I'm sure hussy was meant in a good way because he is such a li´l emoticon and he would never call me a hussy. Unless he was trying to speak english because ESLs always use the best innapropriate words from the 50s like ¨scoundrel¨ and ¨vagabond¨.

On the same token I am assuming "vermin" has good connotations in South America. Kind of like how owls are wise here but in Iraq they are wide-eyed retards. Vermin in South America probably means beautiful and also free of transmittable diseases.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Extra Extra!

Objective Facebook research has confirmed that my ex-CB Jorge has a new girlfriend who is a skinnier and more cross-eyed version of me, also with worse style (like spaghetti strap spandex tank tops...puhthetic)

Experts agreed that I am "so better" and proceeded to raise an imaginary roof placed a few inches above their heads.

When interviewed, I said, "puh, whatevah" but contradicted myself by transforming my face into a frowning emoticon, which then quickly morphed into a winky frown, a never before seen combination. Showing my ability to turn tragedy into innovation.

;(

Monday, December 15, 2008

James, Toronto


James has discovered the trick for making himself cuter in his facebook pictures: put a cute inanimate object in your picture and pretend it is alive...zany! Then people can't help but see you as good old sock puppet James, or old paint-canny Ned.

It's weird though because moms carrying their babies don't get any cuter just because they are holding a cute thing. If anything they look dowdier, like they have had all the youth\cute sucked out of them and it is now wholly contained in this cute little ball that you can't stop staring and making ;0 faces at. And then once in a while you try to awkwardly smile at the mom as if to say "precious...just precious...congratulations. the miracle of life." and then both of you know that you are only doing it so you can look at the baby more. And eventually you have to stop looking at the baby because it becomes awkward even though you know it only stopped crying because of you and your funny faces and that it should be YOUR BABY. I mean what...nothing. Whoo single ladies! Am I right?

Friday, December 12, 2008

Suleiman, glorious city of Ottawa

Submitted by Ashley: "Yaaaaaaayyy boooooooyssss!!!"

Well put Ashley. Anyways, did you know that Ottawa is the capital of Canada?!?!?! Well you should!!!!! I can name all the presidents in your nation's history! Yes even you Finland! Do you even know who the president of Canada is?!?!?!?

Trick! We have a Prime Minister! Actually it seems we have a queen now. If you don't know what I'm referring to it's because no one cares about poor old spinster Canada. No one wants to make her breakfast in the morning or still think she's beautiful even if she stops waxing because she has the relationship lazies.

This boy's name isn't really Suleiman. He just looks like my ex-roomate Suleiman who hated me more than life...probably because I was toooooooooooo awesome and because I yell when I talk.

Brown boys are underrated. They can be really babe. Like have you ever seen top Bollywood movie "Lagaan"? OMG the star is so hunk. I think their only downfall is wearing really ugly sweatshirts with swirly patterns on them and having really bad haircuts with swirly patterns in them.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Nik, Toronto

Submitted by Brooke photography by Andrea Raymond: "Nik makes really nice drawings and sleeps on his couch instead of in his bed"

Wait wait wait...but does he makes art?

Also. no really. I like it. I love it even. I think I would be scared of this person. Actually his last name sounds familiar I probably have already met him and been intimidated.

And maybe I should stop internet talking shit about boys in Toronto because I've already told everyone I know there that I want to sleep with them and\or think they have ugly clothes and it's going to be really shit when I go back. (It's kind of like when your friends break up with their shit boyfriends and you blow up the dam and say "Fucking finally. Man he was way too lame for you also he had B.O. and everyone talked about it" and then they get back together and you are foiled.)

And maybe I'm not very modern with my fashion because the first time I saw skinny jeans I thought "puh! that will never last!" so maybe there are new trends about which I am not hip to their ironic revival.

But...I just...skate shoes?(cropped) I don't know...I don't like.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Update: This Guy

I saw this boy on the RER A train today. I stared at him for four stations straight to make sure it was him (and those are RER stations not subway stations! That's like ten minutes at least!) It was sooo him.

I didn't talk to him cause he had both his scary winter poofy jacket homie wear and his subway-riding angry attitude face on. Sorry friends, the hilarious peace-sign giving camera-jumping-in-front-of character we all knew and loved has vanished forever!

I considered talking to him so as to force an awkward situation for the sole purpose of writing about it later but I wasn't in the mood to be all "Cyuuuut am I right?!?!?! I'm a foreigner! I do weird things! Gotta love me!" Then bang him on the head with a frying pan .(Remember!!!!!?!?!?!?!? Dinosaurs!)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Kevin, Paris

There are two types of Gryffindors. There are the ones like Ron who tend towards Hufflepuff (these are usually my boyfriends. Or else they are pure Hufflepuff. Or Slytherin. Though one time I dated a Ravenclaw and he was soooooo boring) and then there are the ones like Harry who, with their strength and power, could risk becoming Slytherin! But you know they never will! Because they are sooo Harry Potter!

Kevin is the latter. Though he looks like he could silently judge you standing there in the corner with his poofy French hair and sweater. And then make you feel so bad about yourself that you try to hide it by acting extra whatever the lame way you were acting.

But no. He uses his power for good. Like making all his friends dress up as the nativity scene or making art with French magazines from the 50s or dressing like a gay to be more fashionable even though he risks the verbal abuse of other Parisians (they are sooo Slytherin)

Friday, December 5, 2008

Clement, Paris

This is Clement. He's really nice and he is also the frenchest French person ever. To prove this I will describe him the way a French person would:

a)smoke a lot ceegarette
b)beeg hair of like singer of dees group of music Joosteece
c)loving for comics and manga

Loving manga isn't usually an attractive quality to me. It reminds me of this time I accidentally slept with a crazy person (twice) who liked to freestyle about mangalike themes like sleeping with alien Japanese schoolgirls with three vaginas. But, the consequences of teen drug use aside, French people get a cultural handicap that makes it acceptable for them to both like manga obsessively and...I can't think of another thing...I don't know...wear berets. THEY ARE ALWAYS WEARING BERETS (lie).


*Update: I just noticed something. Don't you think Clement looks like that French Ken on the banner?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Frankie, In Da Club

Submitted by Amy: "here is my darling best friend Frankie"

Oh man I totally forgot about the Gino Revolution!!!!!!!!! Frankie is really a top gino specimen. What do you think? Are you ready for his gel-y (PUN!) or is he too ginoliscious for you??!!??

I bet one million dollars that he is drinking a mojito and that he enjoys automobile-themed magazines. And by dollars I mean jellybeans. And by jellybeans I mean units of nothingness because I cannot afford one million jellybeans plus who even wants jellybeans. This paragraph contains the word jellybeans too many times.

PS Are Ginos allowed to be "darling"? I thought that they preferred to be called "chill" or "nice" (not as in "kind" but as in "cool")

PPS jellybeans.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Brad, Glorious Canadian Wilderness

Submitted by Brooke "Dear CBMMN, Remember that time I didn't know you and you came to my birthday party? Anyways, this is Brad, he reads a book a day".

1- Yes I do remember that time I drunkenly wandered into your birthday party uninvited. Earlier I had also snuck into to some company's staff party and drank lots of their alcohols and gotten away scott free! haHA! Sneakily drinking alone while surrounded by strangers is the new not drinking alone!!!!

2-Ah reading a book a day. That goes perfectly with the rest of Brad's all-Canadian look. What with his trees and his tent and his self-satisfied socialist picnic table queen of england polar bear currency grin. Though he should probably be eating a granny smith apple or butternut squash instead of a banana. And be wearing a beer hat with one straw descending from a can of molson Canadian and the other from a can of maple syrup. And there should be french subtitles and a George Stromboalapoaloos being totally rad in the background applying gel to the hair of everyone around him and adding chains to their pants and talking about hard hitting issues in a hip and\or cool way that appeals to parents and kids alike.

3-Didn't Brad used to be a Cheese Hunk????

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Correction: Felix, Barcelona

In honour of my being in Barthelona this weekend here is an update on vintage Catalan Felix, who I called Felipe by accident. That is essentially the update, that his name is Felix. But here is the email he sent because he has a really cute case of the ESLs that will give you cancer in your heart:

"Hi, It's FĂ©lix (not Felipe). Really funny your blog. I remember you when we met at Parc de la Villette! And sorry for my english & my browning teeths!"

You had me at teeths. Oh wait that's the last word in the sentence...umm...*slowly starts walking out of room backwards talking on cellphone which didn't ring*

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Ferdi, Paris...and also a CONTEST!!!


Submitted by Rory : "This is my intern Ferdinand, aka Ferdi. He is from Rotterdam. At the office we all think he is a mini-babe/babe in training. After he ate these jelly beans he said that they would go 'straight to my thighs.' As if!"

If I had an intern I would want him to say inspiring things to me when I was feeling down. Things like "why look at your shoes when you can look at...THE STARS" and then the Ferdi would make a motion towards the stars, because we would be working outside at night, and sparkles would come out of his hands. Or else he would say "I made you a sandwich that makes you skinny" (and it would be true and the sandwich would be delicious because it would contain at least three fine European cheeses)

So I propose... a contest! The winner will get to be my intern!!! I have no work for you but you can put it on your resume if you have a really shitty resume that still includes the grocery store you worked at when you were fifteen. The real prize is:

TWO FREE PASSES TO THE MONTREAL PLANETARIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To enter the contest you must send two things:

1-A picture of yourself (if you are a boy) a picture of a boy (if you are a girl)
2-An inspirational quote that will lift my spirits

***Boy must be the writer of inspirational quote or else contribute to it like how a popstar contributes to the writing of their songs aka heavily. I only accept male, Ferdi-like interns. Please don't be lazy like a Ferdi but bonus points if your hair is thicker than your legs.***

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Interview WIN!!!

Popular citizen of the Democratic Republic of America, Ellen Frances, has just done an interview with top babe Me (pictured above). Click here to view it. The typography makes it look really professional.

Thank you friend!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Keegan and Jake, Boston


Submitted by Molly: "Keegan and Jake attempting to play DDR. Soo Cute. I also attached another one of Keegan- he is wearing the same shirt, like most most cute boys with one signature outfit".

1-Don't you hate it when your boyfriend wears something other than his signature outfit and you stop being attracted to him and realize how weak and shallow your relationship is?!?!? But then it's ok, too, because when he wears it you can like him again.
2-Wearing hats inside is only ok if it's a little cold inside or if it's a fashion hat made out of hard material. If you wear a hot hat while playing a challenging sport such as dance dance revolutions you are showing that you are trying for fashion. It is only ok to show you are trying for fashion if you show that you are also trying to hide trying for fashion. Or else you have have to be full out fashion like wear pants for a hat and a hat for a shirt and no pants.
3-I have figured out after a mere 6 months that I can modify the brightness and tint of my photos. Practicing my new skills I may have turned these boys into shiny ghosts...shiny love ghosts that is. winky smiley.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Russian, Northern U.S.A.

Submitted by Alison: "Russian is feared by none and loved by all. First he cuts off ze head,then he rips out ze bones. How I love little Rooskies, don't you? Booboo boo!"

What is this "booboo boo"? I do not know.

I don't know what Northern U.S.A. state this Russian is wildly brandishing knives in but I'm assuming it's Alaska. Because the two are right next to eachother, zing! ( I know that joke is so three weeks ago but...remember Sarah Palin? HAHAHA! Watanidiot)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Update: Eduardo, Bogota

I have recently had an MSN (remember MSN?) conversation with one of the original cuteboys Eduardo. He has just moved to Holland to do photography school. Or cinematography maybe.

Here is the comment he wrote on the last post about him. It was written a while ago but its is my favourite comment of all because it is written exactly the way Colombians talk:

"so, when i know [me], i was so impress becouse her eyes.... i want dance wiht her, i dance......and i like too much.. she like dance salsa... so i fron cali colombia, you know.. i really dance salsa-..- i want dance again wiht you!!!"

What he is describing there is my beautiful bloodshot glazed eyes, and sensual off-beat salsa dancing seduction. There is nothing sexier than a drunk North-American going "left right left left WHAT oops your foot. Oops on the floor. Heeheehee. This is fun!...Am I cultured yet?!?"

Mobias, Toronto

Submitted by Abby in Toronto: This is Mobias. He lives in Toronto and goes to art school for printmaking. He also reads CBMMN frequently even though he is straight.

Thank you Abby! He is really cute for a straight. I like how he is sad even though he is at the funnest place on earth!!! The fair!!!! That is just the artist attitude he needs to succeed!

Though I'm sorry but I had to change his outfit. If he wants to fit in with his printmaking classmates he must wear plaid only all the time!!!! And he must be sad even while eating ice-cream and having the world's bendiest arms.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Fabien, Paris

Fabien is make photographies, replicas of vintage bicycles and weird funny musics. I met him at a fabulous party where everyone was a cute artist or else had a good fake artist resume so we could all have fun pretend time and feel important.

The thing that is crazy though is that he's a policeman. Isn't that weird? All the policemen I know are, wait, I DON'T KNOW ANY POLICEMEN. Seriously, except when I get arrested they are the people I am least likely to interact with. I have a better chance of interacting with the following: criminals, gynocologists(coughstdscough), Canadian reality stars, Shell workers, dogs who think like humans and talk to me through their eyes, celebrities who will fall in love with me because I pretend not to know who they are and then they think I love them for the real them, pots of gold w\leprauchauns (evil), pots of gold with leprauchauns (gleeful\full o' beans), etc.

When he told me I thought it was one of those hAlarious "conspire to make this girl believe something absurd then all laugh at her" jokes. Like this time in high school where someone gave me a beer that turned out to be pee. Luckily the warmth of the cup tipped me off and that person got a face full of his own pee HAHAHA! REVENGE!

Anyways. Go listen to the lyrics of "Policeman in the clouds" ! Do it! It is one of the top cutest things of your life!!!!! And it's genius how it makes having one of the most reviled professions seem as cute and innocent as being a potter who makes pots shaped like cupcakes.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Vintage Interview FAIL: Boot Camp Clik

When I was younger I was pretty much exactly like the teen in StoryTelling ( I don't know if anyone remembers that movie). The scene I'm thinking of goes like this:

Interviewer: what are you going to be when you grow up?
Teen: Famous
Interviewer: how are you going to do that
Teen: you know...connections...

So when I moved to Toronto to be a famous writer that was pretty much my plan. Not actually writing or anything, just having connections. And within just a few weeks of being there my plan started to look like it just might work. My new friend was dating the editor of a magazine and he told us we could do some interviews for him.
He called us at 11pm one night and said to get ready because he was sending us into "the lion's den" in the morning. (He liked to scare teens...like lion's den? Who says that?). We were going to interview Boot Camp Clik who I had never heard of because I didn't know anything about anything.

We internetted them and read all their other interviews. We didn't understand what they were talking about most of the time. And then we stumbled upon this interesting fact: BCC had done an album with Tupac which was never released. Now maybe it was all the weed being smoked at the time but we decided that THIS would be the focus of the interview. That we would use HARD-HITTING journalism to get the truth from them! And once the Tupac mystery was revealed we would be FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After we had written our questions out on cuecards (I had just graduated high school so I thought I was being "professional") we stayed up until very late choosing our outfits. Oh god. I don't even want to get into what I wore. Just try to imagine what a middle-class white girl who has just moved to the big city would think was "hip-hop"...ow I'm getting a face cramp from cringeing so much.

The interview was at a hotel and we had envisioned hanging out in their luxury room where there would be champagne and platters of grapes and we would smoke joints with them and be the best of friends. But when we arrived a little late after having to purchase a disposable camera to take pictures there were already about fifty terrifying media people surrounding them in the lounge. Real ones, with those big rectangular cameras and real microphones (not 80s mini-tape dictation machines like some people...).

When we eventually sat down with them, surrounded by all the other media people, I fumbled with my cue cards as my friend held out the dictation machine to whoever was talking (cause it was so crappy we had to hold it right up to their faces). And unlike the interviewers before who had had a conversation with them I was unable to do anything but awkwardly read out my questions one after the other:

"so. where.did.you.grow.up? :)"

"so.what.are.your.musical.inspirations."

"so.what.was.your.favourite.collaboration" etc.etc.

Then I would pretend like I wasn't reading my cuecards for ooone second before quickly looking back down at my lap, again, like in high school.After an eternity in nerd years it came time for the HARD HITTING Tupac question. I put on my "let's get serious" tone which was a lot like my "I'm scared" tone. And got to it:

"so you did an album with Tupac, CORRECT?"

"yeah, it was called One Nation...it was about not having this East Coast West Coast separation...it was never released though"

"oh really? almost like...a conspiracy???????????"

"yeah...you could say that..haha"

"interesting...hmm...sooo anyways...WHO KILLED TUPAC?????"

I wish that was an exaggeration but that is exactly what I asked. I know because I have the interview on tape (which I will post one day if I ever figure out how to transfer mini-tape technology to computer)

The result was...well at the time I read it as shock and amazement that I had asked such a HARD HITTING question. But on re-listening to the tape it's clear that they are laughing at me, for quite a while. I actually remember one of them got up and was jumping around, like his laughter had possessed his body and he had to stand up and convulse to let it out...then they said "I don't think we're gonna answer that one...let's just say it's Big Red"

Which meant Suge Knight. We were hysterical on the walk home. We thought that we had gotten them to give up a clue that would crack open the Tupac mystery and have our names go down in history as the two GUMSHOES who pulled it off with only a dictation machine and a prayer. Until our triumphant return to our dorm where we realized that even the Asian kids already knew all about Suge Knight.
And all we were left with was our broken dreams, blurry disposable camera shots and permawedgie pants.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sam, Hartford CT

Sam submitted a picture of his lover Brian and not of himself but on his blog I noticed he was also really cute so here he is! Here he is passing off a blanket or sleeping bag as a reverse cape as only an arty homo can.

On top of being a hunk Sam does wonderful Harlequin romancey paintings of mens. He is like how I would be if I were a gay and had a talent other than being the most beautiful of all.

BIFFBs !!!!! (the "I" stands for Internet and the extra "B" is for Bargain!)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Invisible Fedora, St-Germain-des-Pres

This picture really doesn't do justice to this boy because of the flash. He was wearing a fedora...no not a fedora...you know the hats that are like little fedoras that all the kids are wearing these days? One of those.

He saw I was taking pictures of people so was hovering around me posing and fashionably smoking a cigarette and trying to make eye contact and get my attention. Fucking finally! Why don't all the boys do that? Maybe if I wore a fedora myself with a note that said "press" sticking out of it I would get a little bit more respect around this god-forsaken town.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Brian, Cambridge Mass.

Submitted by Sam: "Dear Cute Boys, I love your blog; my roommate and I read it a lot. I wanted to send you a picture of my lover and his cat. I hope you'll agree that this picture is outrageously cute, on the verge of sexy, even."

Yes I do agree! I like how Brian doesn't feel he needs to show a lot of skin like lots of boys these days (always walking around with v-necks down to their belly buttons and\or no pants, their hair un-hatted and hanging out all willy-nilly for anyone to see). On the same token I like how he keeps his eyes respectfully downcast at all times.

I also like how he is able to control evil space cats with his mind.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

David Sedaris Reading, St-Germain-des-Pres

Urg, why did I go to a David Sedaris reading? I don't even really like David Sedaris. I always skip the This American Life podcasts that have stories by him. And everyone there was the worst. Every anglophone older lady with long grey hair and kooky glasses, young poet with a fedora and brunette blog writer with bangs was crowded outside trying to catch the latest mildy funny (not haha funny) story and saying "oh, oh yeah, that's rich" after every sentence.

Luckily he also attracts fabulous melancholy French homos with the most perfectly tied scarves ever.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Kyle, Internetland

Submitted by Kyle: "Hey check this picture out! Tell me what you think"

Well, I think you are playing up to my well documented affection for homosexuals named Kyle. No matter, the name tag is a nice touch (in case we were tempted to apply the connotations of other popular hunk names like Brandon or Corey to you).

If you are not a gay I still applaud you for straightening your hair and shopping at popular clothing retailer H&M. The latter is probably why your shirt has worn right through into a fashionable spaghetti.

The other thing I think is that if this picture were longer I would be charged with shmild shmornography (*code...don't want any wily google searches)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yuppies!!!!!!!!!

What's the deal with yuppies? I hate them but then I am also maybe a teeny little bit attracted to them. Or maybe I'm just intrigued...like... why are these weird boring aliens so confident all the time? Do they know something I don't know?
To kick off my soul\hope destroying entry into the land of tasteful pantsuits here is a list I call "Pros and Cons (!!!!!)" or "Should I Do It With a Yuppie?"


Pros:

-You can enjoy your coke on the weekends off a crystal platter instead of off your maxed out student mastercard in a bathroom stall

-Have nice bodies because they go to the gym

-$$$

-You can drink martinis and olde tyme cocktails that use bitters on the regular instead of only during "fancy dressup" themed parties

-Make you feel that being an alcoholic is a respectable lifestyle choice

-While they are on business trips you can have your friends over to their condo for a fancy pretend being rich party.

-Enchant themselves with French perfume

-Keep fresh cut flowers in each room

-Free office supplies (office supplies!!!!!!!!!)

-You don't have to pay their rent, buy their groceries, go see their crappy band, or ask your mom to anonymously buy their artwork (hypothetical examples only!!!! *pulls on collar*)



Cons:

-When you wear lipstick and a frilly apron and make cupcakes it will lose its ironic dressup value and instead will just be seen as you responding to your biological programming

-Will sex you like a dirty whore but not in a fun\cute way and after you'll feel like a dirty whore instead of a funny girlfriend

-Might be squeemish about putting it in your bum because too out of it to realize all the kids are doing it these days

-Will make you feel mentally unstable for crying daily about your job\wardrobe\existence

-Will cheat on you with someone reaaaaally cheesy

-Will want you to go to the gym too (HAHAHA!)

-Will call his friends "the boys" (just barfed in mouth)

-Won't make you cute art presents, instead will buy a hallmark lovers card that says something like "one look, one kiss, one life...happy valentines day, only one of many" (I just thought of that myself! Not real card!) then give you a stupid present that isn't awesome at all and expensive in a non-pawnable way.

Still so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you think?!?!!?!??!!??!!?!?!? Also do you think I will be fired if I take pictures of people in the lobby on my lunch break?!?!?!?!!?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Message from Mom

Submitted by Mom in Ottawa : "Dear Daughter, it appears our attempts to Europeanize you as a child by giving you sips of our wine has ended in a drunk and slutty disaster. I am no longer going to read your blog so as to preserve the image I have of that sweet little girl who had no friends and who the boys threw garbage at (not because they had a crush on you like I told you by the way, whooooooeee you were one uuuuugli kid. Love mom."

I paraphrase a litte, but only for you youth who don't understand olde english anymore.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

La Fleche d'Or, Paris

Plaid shirts, v-necks, melodicas, glockenshpiels, beardos, the extra dimension we read into things because they're Euro...

Why don't they just put a bunch of puppies and kitties wearing Cat Prin costumes on stage alongside some babies dressed up as puppies and kitties.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Fanfare Superstar!




There is a very special subculture in Paris, the brass band or "Fanfare" (rhymes with Superstar*) culture. They have secret parties under bridges and they always wear funny costumes. And people skank. All over the place. There can even be entire fanfare nights and festivals!

The boys are always hot in a stinky, a little bit bad style way. But it has a particular aesthetic that isn't random, meaning it's something intentional that is being strived for, which makes being the most stinky-badstyley person hot. (1-1+1=1=1?!?!??!?!)

But probably the best thing about fanfares is that the girls in them are always suuuuch Liz Lemons because the boys can see their inner-beauty (I'm assuming\projecting).Though they are not pictured because of the well-know now betches policy. Actually wait you can see half of a Liz Lemon in the first picture.

Ack why did I quit trombone lessons? Oh yeah because it made my lips numb, I hated it and I sucked.

*This fanfare is Called Fanfare Superstar.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ramone*, Toronto

Submission from Jocelyn in the T-dot: ¨Here is a picture of my ex-bf. Although he probably hates me now, I still think he's the cutest boy ever. I don't have anything funny to say, sorry.¨

Sometimes the funniness is already included in the action. For instance when you slip on a banana peel. Sure you can say something witty afterwards like ¨woah I guess I´m not as mellow yellow as that yellow banana peel on which I just slipped¨ and make a funny situation THAT MUCH funnier. But it´s not necessary.

So sending a picture of your ex-boyfriend pantsless is already the greatest thing of my life, even if you didn´t make a hilarious, like...oh I don´t know...¨Looks like he left his PANTS where he left our relationship. On the floor!¨ No? Too soon?

*Name has been changed to the sexiest name ever

Monday, October 27, 2008

Valentino, Paris

What do you get when you mix a homo with an Italian? The most homo and bestest thing ever!

I take a French class with Valentino and what is so hilarious besides his being really gay about everything is that the French teacher clearly has never met a gay person in her life ever and has the most malfunctioning gaydar I have ever seen. Thus the course usually degenerates into a series of things going over her head while everyone else giggles.

Ex:

Teacher: so do you party a lot in Italy?

V: Honey puhleeze. We party all night! We're right by the beach so you go to the club first then the beach after with whoever you meet if you know what I mean!!! HAHA Whoo!

Teacher: So you would meet a girl then take a girl to the beach after?

V: A girl?!? No I would NEVER take a girl to the beach. HAHAHA!

Teacher: Oh so you don't like taking your girls to the beach. You like to maybe take them out for dinner or another date activity?

V: (Looks around the room making a WTF face) you could say that HAHA!

Teacher: Oh ok. Good. That's very gentlemanly of you. You must be a real hit with the ladies!

V: And the gentlemen!!

T: Oh you have lots of friends too! A real top popular guy! Well hoorah! Hoorah for you!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Andrew, Toronto

A close source told me that Andrew reads CBMMN. Does that make him gay? Or just such an advanced heterosexual that he is able to admit it? And by admit it I mean have a friend tell on him when he isn't around to defend himself.

If boys were smart they would read CBMNN every day to learn how to improve themselves. Kind of like how I read Maxim. Before I would have never thought of wearing a bra for a shirt and an undies for a pants. Or for you British people "a pants for a trousers".

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Jay, Toronto

Jay manages a really cyut restaurant in Toronto and I think he might also do some other cool stuff. And he too is obviously really cute and also "zany", in fact have drunkenly hit on him before (though that doesn't say much as the honour extends to most of Toronto's 16-35 male population).

That being said. And I'm not trying to be mean or spiteful because I "got rejected" (whatever. what does that even mean. pff. doesn't even mean anything) but does his Adam's apple resemble something else to you?

Hint: you can only see your own in the mirror

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Update: Kaelah

Toronto's NOW Magazine did a DJ spotlight on veteran cuteboy Kaewonder last month. Quick on the draw as usual NOW. I have an idea, maybe you should switch the name of your magazine from "NOW" to "FOUR MONTHS AGO".

PUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scoffing exhalation of air)


I kid. Kudos NOW. Kudos.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Theme Song!

Here is the CBMMN themesong\video I shot with my friends this weekend!!!!

LOLZ joking! I don't look like any of those dancers! For starters I have feet for hands and bloody ankles for feet.

Don't you hate how actresses these days all have fingers on their hands while male actors can have any number of different things for hands? Scissorhands for example? Or Captain Hooks?

It's given me such a complex that I have actually started gluing cardboard tubes covered in peach felt to my toenails ("hand"nails). Sometimes this prevents me from doing little stuff like turning door knobs. But in general men seem to find me more attractive because of it.

The only drawback is that when it's time for that long-awaited end of the night back pat or...dare I?...hand shake, they often fall off. And then the guy gets a little"oh shit I broke your finger off! aaagghahgh!" and runs away. Then I'm left with bluehands.

Warning about video: Though initially promising it only stays funny for about ten seconds.

Monday, October 20, 2008

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I often recieve pictures of boyfriends\ex-boyfriends\gay boyfriends\"platonic" best friends. People have suggested many times that I open the blog up for submissions but I resisted the idea because I wanted to keep all the boyfriends to myself.

But as we head into an era of socialism I feel like two hundred boyfriends should be enough for anybody. One must learn to make due with what they have. Plus my harem bills are getting cuhrazy with all this economy shiz! You should see my cornucopia and chaise longue bills !!!
So I am opening up the blog to you peoples. I will still take pictures but I will also post your pictures. I won't necessarily post all of them. But I promise that if I think someone is not cute I won't post them and make fun of them. I will only make fun of hot yet jerk ex-boyfriends that you specifically request be subjected to an old fashioned public shamin'.


Here are a few guidelines:

-I like: skinnies, beardos, ginos, homos, homos dressed like girls, butch girls dressed like boys, teens\youth, people who hate the photographer, non-whites with indie\whitey style and boys doing something funnee.

-I especially like pictures from countries not yet represented on the blog.

-I like as good quality\in focus pictures as possible

-I would love it if you used this as a tool to hit on boys. If you do and are successful please tell us about it. If you get hilariously rejected also tell us about it! The whole point of CBMMN is the acquisition of many many beautiful boyfriends!

-With your picture tell us a little something about taking the picture or, if you know the boy already, something about him. Like if you ever totally made out.

Please send submissions to: cuteboysmakemenervous@gmail.com

*Our beautiful model today was submitted by Maggie in London. His name is Max. This is a perfect submission example. He's a skinny, can't really see his face but he seems cute, he's wearing a plaid shirt, and he's doing something "zany" aka playing that little guitar which I have been informed is part of some sort of "rock and roll" nintendo game.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Camille, Paris

Today's cute boy is a cute butch for two reasons:

1-Lesbians are in
2-I'm fucking edgy

Friday, October 17, 2008

Quentin, Paris

Woah I've gone three days without posting. Probably because of the massive hate-on I've been experiencing towards France lately and consequently all its inhabitants. Even Paris' top babes aka tough looking dudes who ride motorcycles and have their hair shaved the same length as their beards, suddenly remind me of the clockwork Orange guys. What are those guys called again, jookies? joomblies? gloopties? Something funny yet ominous like this.

Anyways, here's one fer ya. His name is Quentin and he's the singer for French rock and\or electro band Pollux from Rio. Veteran cuteboy Richard is also in this band.

What do you guys think about French bands who sing in English? Personally I find it annoying, then later charming, but with a sprinklin' of still annoying.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Interview FAIL: Latin Lovers

*At this point all MOMS should stop reading. However, if they choose to keep reading, that which is read will be treated as inadmissible and shall not result in omission of snack packs from lunch boxes nor installation of additional padlocks on the liquor cabinet. Also, any and all information acquired should under no circumstances be transmitted to DADS.

Sorry about that. Anyways, about a month ago I contacted Jose and Rigo, owners and designers of the Colombian clothing line "Latin Lover". Although North Americans and Europeans may not have heard of it, it is pretty famous in South America. Which is kind of like being famous in Canada or dressing up like a famous person for halloween.

A few years ago I had an awkward threesome with them which I freaked out about and aborted--otherwise known as a regular threesome--and I thought it would be a good idea to interview them about it. After initially agreeing to an interview they abruptly stopped answering my emails once I sent them the questions.

I'm posting the one-sided interview anyways because it shouldn't go to waste just because some people are embarassed about their involvement with Canada's 15 000 000th most beautiful woman:

CBMMN: What was the inspiration for Latin Lover?

CBMMN: Has having a successful line of clothing made you have more girlfriends?

CBMMN: What is new and exciting at Latin Lover this season?

CBMMN: Remember that time we had an awkward threesome?

CBMMN: I was given the impression that if we made out I would get a free t-shirt but I didn't get one. That's a question.

CBMMN: That's ok I don't have threesomes for profit, that would make me a prostitute. Instead I have them for jarring memories that make me grimace involuntarily...you know why? Because I respect myself.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Brook, Toronto

I was actually hoping to get a picture of this exact boy before heading back to Paris (aka city of hysterical anger). He is always walking around Kensington market smiling at people and he is also the head chef at La Palette which is one of my top favourite restaurants in Toronto.

On a historical note, this last Toronto picture was taken at almost the exact spot where I took my first non-friend cuteboy picture of Edward, the one that set off a shitstorm of bitter balding male commentary on the Torontoist.

Back to Brook for a second. You know why he's so cute, besides genetics? Because he's mastered the female art of always making a cute face. I am alway trying to make cute faces while I walk down the street. Faces such as the "oh I forgot something!" face, or the "math is hard" face, or "yay! cookies!" face. Or as Brook is modeling for us, the "awww shucks" face.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Angry, Toronto

Wow this guys loves me. It's like I can you can actually see his heart melting.

On a non-love-at-first-sight-note, it's crazy how much better non-whites look when they wear whitey hipster things like big glasses. This boy should tell his AZN friends it's time to trade in their aerodynamic white running shoes and diamonelle earrings. Or maybe not...They would be too powerful.