Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Get Him James Bond!!!!!!!!!

Are you sick of pompadours and contagious anger? Well I am a little bit, so I am escaping to London this weekend. According to this lady the boys are waiting, possibly due to my milkshake.

If you would like your boyfriend to become a famous internet male model please parade him around brick lane fri-sun. You will recognize me because I am the sexiest three hundred pound lazy-eyed betch you've ever seen. Plus I'll have a giant camera. Though it sometimes hides between my third and fourth chin...silly little guy!

British boys on Monday!

Francesco Babearella, Toronto

It's harder to write comments about people I know because I'm not allowed to write psycho things. Things like oh...I don't know... I am in love with them forever or I want to make baby with them (hypothetical examples only!)

So: isn't Francesco a handsome young gentleman? *golf claps*

P.S. Someone told me that Francesco used to be a Sears model. Is this true?!?!!? Someone tell me!?!?! He is definitely Sears calibre!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

La souris Minnie , Bastille

I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're such a gay babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obviously this is a left-over picture from pride. I broke my camera lens and have to subsist on archives for a few days. Luckily I have one million boyfriends that live in my laptop and sing the windows song for me every time I open and close it (they have learned to imitoot it exarctly!)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Andrew, Paris

Andrew just did a DJ tour of Eastern Europe and got paid in acid. So he's basically my hero, except he'd be more of a hero if it was marshmallows instead of acid because acid makes me scared (if you do it once you can never become a pilot even!!! What if I decide to become a pilot instead of an unemployed one day??!?).

Oh and for potential employers who know how to use the internet: acid is youthspeak for helping orphans. That's right, Andrew got paid in helping orphans...but really, he learned so much, it was like they were helping him.

And wait...could that be famous cuteboy Jeremie in the background? Just kidding, of course it is, the cuteboys follow me around ALL THE TIME.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Canal St.-Martin

What? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm trying to take a picture of...ummm...that post behind you, ok? We have boys where I come from too, but posts like that...

What is that? Eight-sided? Stunning, just stunning...

Friday, July 25, 2008

Pedrito, Paris

My mom told me I have to stop falling for "rogue ne'erdowells" (true quote! haha! moms!)

What she doesn't understand is that I equally love smart boys who speak one million languages and wear sensible shoes and button up shirts and eat apples for lunch and don't have panic attacks and\or get drunk and cry every time someone mentions getting a job. These boys, however, listen to their moms and don't date roguette ne'erdowells like myself.

Whatever, already over it. This boy would never let me tattoo a butt on his butt.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dread Guy, My Kitchen

Fack, how many times am I going to forget to charge my batteries and only realize it after I've already faced the mind-melting terror of approaching a cute boy.

Lucky for you, I am extremely good at art. So I was able to recreate the boy I missed exactly. He wasn't wearing this outfit but he looked like he might wear such a middle eastern shirt and african pants combo. He did have three dreads but they didn't stick out like horns.

Click image for painstakingly recreated facial hair.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Billy, Paris

Cute has a double meaning ok? And if you don't think Billy is cute then you probably think puppies should be made into matching clogs or that babies should be, I don't know, dead.

PS I think Billy is a made up name. Which makes him even cuter!!!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Jorge, Buenos Aires

Dude! In Argentina even the Georges look like this! Imagine what the Antonios look like!!!!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Arnault, Le Pop-In

Who's a tiger? Who's a tiger? That's right! You are!

Arnault asked if I could write that his name was "Kenneth". HAHAHA! Kenneth!

Note to French boys: at least 33% of your hotness comes from exoticism so don't give yourselves fake english names. And if you really really have to, then at least choose a babe name like Jake or Axl.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

!!!!, Le Pop-In

I like a good 25-30 year old, but for pure beauties like this one you have to be willing lower your range back down into the teens. But it's not pervert because dating young people automatically makes you young again!!! True fact!!!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Aidams, Venezuela

Before I went to South America I didn't get liking Latinos at all. But once you go off-white (cream? buttercream? summer honey?) you never go back. Except for all the subsequent times you go back.

N.B. Bead necklace: a little cultural relativism please.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Bartender, Paris

Due to those unfortunate betches in my way, there is no way to pretend that I actually talked to this person. But it's ok because ever since he's been sending me love messages through the television screen and radio waves that I can pick up with my gold snaggletooth.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Jun, Kyoto

Jun spent Xmas at my house one year. During which time my family errupted into a full scale yelling match as they are wont to do a)when guests are over b)when it's Xmas.

There must have been some sort of cultural breakdown because Jun lost his shit laughing, mistaking the yelling for some sort of happy time super family fun hour comedy show. Eventually he melted everyone's cruel bitter hearts with his smile and we all had a merry xmas.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Bal des Pompiers

Though he looks like any other happy-go-lucky-one-gaged-ear-beer-drinking boy, he was actually giving everyone the scowling of a lifetime before I approached him.

And by I, I mean my friend who took the picture for me because I was too scared. I had to bribe her with wine because she kept saying "He looks like he might murder me". Which is exactly why he was so babe. Angry abusive boys are the hottest!!! (joke?)

*thanks Melissa for being so brave\drunk

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Joyeuse Fête Nationale!!!!!!!!!

Joyeuse French pop concerts!
Joyeuse booze getting confiscated!
Joyeuse "don't step on my blanket you little cunt!"
Joyeuse wallet getting stolen!

Joyeuse 600 000 people barricaded inside a park!
Joyeuse "lemme out, lemme out, lemme out, lemme out, lemme out!"
Joyeuse "au secours, this mademoiselle is having mental problems!"
Joyeuse getting lifted over a barricade by a riot cop!
Joyeuse "are you sure you don't want a tranquillizer?"
Joyeuse French people are only nice if you cry.
Joyeuse tears blur fireworks.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mahjdi, Marche Aligre

OMG! Matel finally made an Arab Ken! But instead of a convertible he gets a fruit stand.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Interview: Pete

Me: Since being discovered by CBMMN you appear to have become a famous male model, is this a coincidence?

Pete: In a way, CBMMN is what started it all. Ever since I was a small child, all I ever wanted to do was make a living by being beautiful, and no matter what I did or where I went that dream lingered in the back of my thoughts. CBMMN gave me the confidence to make that dream a reality and make the world a more beautiful place.

Me: Truly inspirational. Any wisdom or advice to the other Cute Boys on how to manage their newfound internet babe status and also become famous male models like you?

Pete: Well I mean it's hard not having a personal life, sometimes I wish I could just walk around like a "normal" person. Like today, I just wanted to buy a coffee, and the barrista was like "oh, you're that super beautiful babe from the internet and magazines, have your coffee for free!" it's tough. I just dont let it go to my head. I'm still the same person I always was, just with more threesomes. As for becoming famous? Well, I just always knew it would happen. and it did, so just believe.

Me: Wow! Maybe I could even be a model?!?!?

Pete: No. You no.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Gabriel, Paris

I have a pretty strong defense mechanism against skaters which consists of me hating them. This is probably a result of the turbulent tween years from age 10-17 in which none of them would love me.

But sometimes you see one who is so adorable it just melts your angry heart. Then you're like "do you love me yet?" and they're like "ummm...aren't you my mom's friend?" and you're like "quiet you! Or somebody and his little buddies aren't getting any cigarettes"

Update: Fuck you Eddy!

Yeah, thanks for the "rad" bike Eddy. No really, I actually love exploding tires and defective breaks...they rule!!!!

Infidel! I hereby strip thee of thine ill-begotten title!

Box Block

God, people are so stupid. They think they can box block me by:

a)jumping in front of the desired subject every time I try to take a picture
b)literally running to the subject's girlfriend to tattle-tail
c)being like "ooh why don't you take a picture of him with his giiiiirlfriend"

WTF??? Fine I'll take a picture of him with his girlfriend. And I'll cut her out later. AND I'll cut you in half for revenge. Nice ear btw...puh.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Fabio, Pont des Arts

I've been pre-screening my selections lately because some of my pretties have been getting inter-hate. My friend told me I shouldn't put Fabio on because his hat looks like cornrows. A valid point, but insufficient given that:

a)He's a Parisian who looks like a Colombian

b)His name's Fabio! Imagine you had a boyfriend named Fabio! You would be the winner!

c)When I asked him to write his name in my book he wrote his number too = three bonus hotness points for hitting on me = a perfect ten!!!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Photoshop Magik!!!

Mathieu is directing that "I hate you" look towards me which is always attractive. He's also really hot in the face, but it's hard to tell because of that hideous striped hat\green sweatshirt combo eating his head.

Woah! Who's this new babe? Am I on the set of the hit movie 8 Mile starring modern rap sensation Eminem? I think so!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Didier, Pont des Arts

Didier! What a cute name! Too bad it's not really this guy's name which I forget...And why stop at changing names when you have a PhD in Photoshop...

What? A giant bag of money for me? And you baked me a cake because I look too skinny? Oh teehee. It must be this new diet I'm on. Have you heard of the cabbage soup diet? It's like that except with wine.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Babefest!!! Pont des Arts

Maybe it's because I spend too much time watching TTC videos on Youtube, but I was disappointed at the lack of French Hip-Hop dude babes in Paris with their special brand of dandy-toughness. But apparently they all hang out at the Pont des Arts. Proposed new blog name: pictures from the pont des arts dot com.

*props to Nelly for her babe-dar

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Clement, Paris

Clement takes pictures of cute girls and he doesn't even have a pretext like I do. Maybe it's because his lens is longer than mine (zing!), but in his photos the girls pose increasingly sluttily and eventually make out with eachother. Yes...almost as if the "girls" had "gone"..."wild". What a strange new phenomenon.

Why don't boys go wild?!?!?!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Jean-Michel et Lucas

My boyfriend threatened to break up with me because of my blog today.

I told him you know what buddy? Rules are rules and the rule is that anyone who wants to make it on the blog has to make out with me. It's not "cheating" it's my job (technically internship because I don't make any money, but I was trying to prove a point).

God. What a Total. Jerk. He's just throwing a tantrum because he didn't make the cut.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Mission Impossible: This Guy

Perfect looking girls are even more terrifying than cute boys. And this guy was hanging out with two totally hot and perfectly styled girls. Toooo scary.

This other dude was taking pictures for a style something-something so I asked him to take the picture for me cause I actually could not. But he posed everyone together so...

me: nonono, individual pictures, you boy, you first then girls together. Gender separation is imperative!

beautiful girl: wait, who's that girl, why is she telling us what to do?

photographer: um...she's my boss
me: artistic director

Artistic director? wtf? I'm going to fronting hell. Wait is it called an art director? I don't even know!!!!

Cyprien, 11e

Cute boys are terrifying and everything but approaching them is the only really scary part. After that they usually get awkward and think you're making fun of them because no one ever told them they were pretty and then you are the winner.

But then sometimes you have someone like Cyprien who is like "oh you want a cigarette? What you want my picture? Same thing, normal for me. puh." And you are nervous the whole time and only take one picture because you have to abort the mission and quick.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Mathieu, Paris

I was going to try to pass Mathieu off as not gay for the ladies until I realized his shirt said "no pussy". Agh foiled.

I mean not foiled. It's a poor translation, it's supposed to say "not a pussy" cause he's really brave...Also he told me that he loves the ladies. Especially you, yes you!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Happy Canada Day!!!!!

Oh you didn't know? Typical. No one cares about poor old Canada. No one wants to kiss her and love her (Canada).

Here is a Canadian boy named Graydon in honour of the glorious motherland.


a)works in a creative field
b)is as beautiful and soft as a newborn baby chick

Using these clues try to guess which quality I possess that will prevent our love. Hint: it starts with a V and rhymes with "pagina"