Thursday, November 13, 2008

Vintage Interview FAIL: Boot Camp Clik

When I was younger I was pretty much exactly like the teen in StoryTelling ( I don't know if anyone remembers that movie). The scene I'm thinking of goes like this:

Interviewer: what are you going to be when you grow up?
Teen: Famous
Interviewer: how are you going to do that
Teen: you know...connections...

So when I moved to Toronto to be a famous writer that was pretty much my plan. Not actually writing or anything, just having connections. And within just a few weeks of being there my plan started to look like it just might work. My new friend was dating the editor of a magazine and he told us we could do some interviews for him.
He called us at 11pm one night and said to get ready because he was sending us into "the lion's den" in the morning. (He liked to scare teens...like lion's den? Who says that?). We were going to interview Boot Camp Clik who I had never heard of because I didn't know anything about anything.

We internetted them and read all their other interviews. We didn't understand what they were talking about most of the time. And then we stumbled upon this interesting fact: BCC had done an album with Tupac which was never released. Now maybe it was all the weed being smoked at the time but we decided that THIS would be the focus of the interview. That we would use HARD-HITTING journalism to get the truth from them! And once the Tupac mystery was revealed we would be FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After we had written our questions out on cuecards (I had just graduated high school so I thought I was being "professional") we stayed up until very late choosing our outfits. Oh god. I don't even want to get into what I wore. Just try to imagine what a middle-class white girl who has just moved to the big city would think was "hip-hop"...ow I'm getting a face cramp from cringeing so much.

The interview was at a hotel and we had envisioned hanging out in their luxury room where there would be champagne and platters of grapes and we would smoke joints with them and be the best of friends. But when we arrived a little late after having to purchase a disposable camera to take pictures there were already about fifty terrifying media people surrounding them in the lounge. Real ones, with those big rectangular cameras and real microphones (not 80s mini-tape dictation machines like some people...).

When we eventually sat down with them, surrounded by all the other media people, I fumbled with my cue cards as my friend held out the dictation machine to whoever was talking (cause it was so crappy we had to hold it right up to their faces). And unlike the interviewers before who had had a conversation with them I was unable to do anything but awkwardly read out my questions one after the other:

"so. where.did.you.grow.up? :)"

"so.what.are.your.musical.inspirations."

"so.what.was.your.favourite.collaboration" etc.etc.

Then I would pretend like I wasn't reading my cuecards for ooone second before quickly looking back down at my lap, again, like in high school.After an eternity in nerd years it came time for the HARD HITTING Tupac question. I put on my "let's get serious" tone which was a lot like my "I'm scared" tone. And got to it:

"so you did an album with Tupac, CORRECT?"

"yeah, it was called One Nation...it was about not having this East Coast West Coast separation...it was never released though"

"oh really? almost like...a conspiracy???????????"

"yeah...you could say that..haha"

"interesting...hmm...sooo anyways...WHO KILLED TUPAC?????"

I wish that was an exaggeration but that is exactly what I asked. I know because I have the interview on tape (which I will post one day if I ever figure out how to transfer mini-tape technology to computer)

The result was...well at the time I read it as shock and amazement that I had asked such a HARD HITTING question. But on re-listening to the tape it's clear that they are laughing at me, for quite a while. I actually remember one of them got up and was jumping around, like his laughter had possessed his body and he had to stand up and convulse to let it out...then they said "I don't think we're gonna answer that one...let's just say it's Big Red"

Which meant Suge Knight. We were hysterical on the walk home. We thought that we had gotten them to give up a clue that would crack open the Tupac mystery and have our names go down in history as the two GUMSHOES who pulled it off with only a dictation machine and a prayer. Until our triumphant return to our dorm where we realized that even the Asian kids already knew all about Suge Knight.
And all we were left with was our broken dreams, blurry disposable camera shots and permawedgie pants.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is so painful, im laughing my ass off

Chiamh said...

I LOVE IT!

I just discovered your blog and it's hilarious...
I made some guesses regarding your cousins and who's doin what(post in October)... I was appalled by the fact that you havn't received a single guess yet, so I posted mine... and since I feel that I really want to know how good my insights into human nature is, and whether I was able to recognise the drunken one, pleeease let me know whether I was right or wrong.
eeh...
not sure why this is important to me, I promise, I want begin to stalk you or your cousins!

Great work anyway!

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

Thank You Chiamh! I was a little sad that no one wanted to guess!

And you got 1 right, the one about Jean-Marc. Good SLEUTHING. But all the others are wrong. haha.

I am going to try to go to Berlin in the new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chiamh said...

omg, ONE single right and that one I got just due to francophone name, not because I saw it in his face. That's really bad...

Oh, so you've got plans to go to Berlin, thats great. If you need guidance where to find the cute boys, please let me know. Sometimes it is kinda hard to find em amongst all the skanks, but they're out there somewhere, and sometimes you get lucky.

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

Wait amongst all the female skanks or are you calling the men skanks? I hope it is the latter. If it is it reminds me of the time a non-english speaking guy told my (female) friend he wanted to give her a blowjob"

BHAHAHAAH

Chiamh said...

I'm calling the men skanks :-)

Chiamh said...

I don't know, it's a word, that I probably use to much, I make no difference regarding gender, age, human, non-human or whatever. Started as an annoying joke amongst friends, it turned out to be the inofficial word of month and now I could refer to a potted plant as skanky... I might start to think about not using it so much, since appearantly leads to confusion... :-)

And a blowjob for a girl.. Hummm... not that I'm really into it, but it sounds kind of promising and ... hmm, is zealous the word I'm looking for?

Nyargis said...

Re: Hip hop outfit
Noooo! Please get into it - what did you wear to the interview? I want all the salacious details! :D

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

NEVER!!!!!

Anonymous said...

hey suge didn't kill pac thats all rumour. Believe me pac wasn't leaving death row records he was going to be distributed by them with euphanasia and makaveli records

Chum said...

isn't that film reference from "StoryTelling"? I haven't seen "Happiness" yet, but that sure sounds like Scooby.

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

omg you're right! it is from storytelling! I mixed them up because they were both stored in my memories as "films that have given me anxiety attacks"

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