Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yuppies!!!!!!!!!

What's the deal with yuppies? I hate them but then I am also maybe a teeny little bit attracted to them. Or maybe I'm just intrigued...like... why are these weird boring aliens so confident all the time? Do they know something I don't know?
To kick off my soul\hope destroying entry into the land of tasteful pantsuits here is a list I call "Pros and Cons (!!!!!)" or "Should I Do It With a Yuppie?"


Pros:

-You can enjoy your coke on the weekends off a crystal platter instead of off your maxed out student mastercard in a bathroom stall

-Have nice bodies because they go to the gym

-$$$

-You can drink martinis and olde tyme cocktails that use bitters on the regular instead of only during "fancy dressup" themed parties

-Make you feel that being an alcoholic is a respectable lifestyle choice

-While they are on business trips you can have your friends over to their condo for a fancy pretend being rich party.

-Enchant themselves with French perfume

-Keep fresh cut flowers in each room

-Free office supplies (office supplies!!!!!!!!!)

-You don't have to pay their rent, buy their groceries, go see their crappy band, or ask your mom to anonymously buy their artwork (hypothetical examples only!!!! *pulls on collar*)



Cons:

-When you wear lipstick and a frilly apron and make cupcakes it will lose its ironic dressup value and instead will just be seen as you responding to your biological programming

-Will sex you like a dirty whore but not in a fun\cute way and after you'll feel like a dirty whore instead of a funny girlfriend

-Might be squeemish about putting it in your bum because too out of it to realize all the kids are doing it these days

-Will make you feel mentally unstable for crying daily about your job\wardrobe\existence

-Will cheat on you with someone reaaaaally cheesy

-Will want you to go to the gym too (HAHAHA!)

-Will call his friends "the boys" (just barfed in mouth)

-Won't make you cute art presents, instead will buy a hallmark lovers card that says something like "one look, one kiss, one life...happy valentines day, only one of many" (I just thought of that myself! Not real card!) then give you a stupid present that isn't awesome at all and expensive in a non-pawnable way.

Still so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you think?!?!!?!??!!??!!?!?!? Also do you think I will be fired if I take pictures of people in the lobby on my lunch break?!?!?!?!!?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like a front-door-only man so I'll stick with yuppies.

Lily said...

Genius.

Sass said...

The only yuppie I've done had silent sex. Control freak even when freaking. SILENT sex! Wtf.
Still it was always sorta kinda cool that he paid for absolutely everything, yknow instead of me having to give my regular loser guys subway change.

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

silent sex! hahahaa that's hilarious. I've never heard of that before.

Wait did you have to be silent too...?

zinzinish said...

ha. haha. lot of cute boy at the workplace? can i visit?

drug problem said...

Being an alcoholic cannot be considered a respectable choice of lifestyle. It's because of the negative effects that alcohol can do to person which makes it difficult to consider.

Cheap Furniture Burbank said...

Not sure how you are defining yuppie. .. I thought that you meant young but after reading your list I really don't know.