Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Scott from Georgia

Georgia: Hello friend! Let me just say I love your blog and am so jealous of your 200 boyfriends, I aim to collect that many some day! I just have to get over this small issue of ugly-face...
Anyway, here is my favorite cute boy! He loves kittens, a small dab of glitter, aloe-vera juice, and singing in our band. He dislikes having a girlfriend (BOOOO!).

CBMMN: haha what a funny email! But there is no attached picture!

Georgia: OH NO I DID A FAIL!In all my haste I forgot the cute boy pic! Oh i forgot perhaps the cutest picture! What is it about boys playing guitar that makes girls prematurely ovulate?

CBMMN: Premature ovulation is always throwing a wrench into my plans! But I tend to ovulate more for keyboard\maracas\cowbell players myself. So all those little accidents and I are going to start a band. We will be called The Von Trapp Family Singers and we will tour the world. Climbing every mountain and solving problems like Maria.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Tommy, Fantasyland circa ten years ago

Submitted by Rachel : "Tommy is still in high school but he's super adorable and punk rock. He's really into DIY (writes a zine and everything) and the environment. He plays drums and is a vegetarian."

Oh man! High school dream boy! Actually...still dream boy? No...punk rock has to evolve to some other type of music and zine has to evolve to top blog. Then we will be together!

Why were all the boys at my high school Quebec trash who did coke in the bathroom and had earrings and put my 'zine in the toilet then also peed in the same toilet?

Well actually, that was hot at the time too (sooo bad and hating me!).

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sexy Firemens, Montreal

Submitted by Gen: "Firemen are big and sooo strong! ;D Such beauties, come save MY cat!"

Thanks Gen! I'm glad that while three buildings burnt to the ground down your street you thought to take a picture of these sexy young ice-encrusted French-Canadian yeti heroes. That's dedication!!!!!

For more fireman\fire picture go here because Gen takes real pictures not finger in front of flash ones.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Adam, Chicago

Hey American Airlines!!!!!! TX so much for overbooking your flight! Not Sarcasm!

Srsly! Who needs family dinner and presents and hugs and drinking with your parents because you can do that now and a warm bed...when you can have a free trip to CHICAGO AIRPORT! Where you can dine on a mini kit kat you saved from the flight and watch yourself stranded and FAMOUS on CNN and curl up under a warm plastic bench with your suitcases tied to your neck with a scarf.

Anways, since none of the pimply Pilipino fast food employees sexually harassing me in tagalog were suitable I am putting a picture of my friend Adam that I took in Chicago when I was there before.

Adam is a number one man!!!!!!!!!!

Merry XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Nicolas, Paris

Submitted by Carla: "His name is Nicolas, he's French and breathes fire at parties while adorably drunk :) Luckily he's never set fire to anyone."

In Internetland one can white-out the Indian tapestries on the wall and labrette piercings can be made barely visible and you can have a dreamboat. Unlike in real life where these details cannot be erased and are complete dealbreakers. Or not even breakers because you will never make the deal to begin with.

My mother doesn't understand how important things like this are. Which is probably why she called me from Canada to leave a message saying "oh hello. I just thought I'd tell you about the T.V. special I saw last night. It was about women who kept rejecting men for petty reasons when they were young and cute. Then all of a sudden they realized they were 50 and alone. And that they would just be alone until they died. It was sad really. Anyways, call me back!"

p.s. adorably drunk = not barfing?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Juan Pablo, Uruguay

I met Juan Pablo in Venezuela. He is from Argentina and lives in Uruguay and is the closest living thing to an emoticon that you will ever see. And he has a really cute little notebook full of art and little shoes with drawings on them like he is a teen but I think he's late 20s. I had to fotoshoppe his new hippie/old asian man beard though: do not like. Neckbrace better.

When I MSN asked him for his picture he asked me what it was for. And after looking at it he told me that it was a bunch of Spanish words that google translated to: naughty, hussy and vermin (?wtf?)

I'm sure hussy was meant in a good way because he is such a li´l emoticon and he would never call me a hussy. Unless he was trying to speak english because ESLs always use the best innapropriate words from the 50s like ¨scoundrel¨ and ¨vagabond¨.

On the same token I am assuming "vermin" has good connotations in South America. Kind of like how owls are wise here but in Iraq they are wide-eyed retards. Vermin in South America probably means beautiful and also free of transmittable diseases.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Extra Extra!

Objective Facebook research has confirmed that my ex-CB Jorge has a new girlfriend who is a skinnier and more cross-eyed version of me, also with worse style (like spaghetti strap spandex tank tops...puhthetic)

Experts agreed that I am "so better" and proceeded to raise an imaginary roof placed a few inches above their heads.

When interviewed, I said, "puh, whatevah" but contradicted myself by transforming my face into a frowning emoticon, which then quickly morphed into a winky frown, a never before seen combination. Showing my ability to turn tragedy into innovation.


Monday, December 15, 2008

James, Toronto

James has discovered the trick for making himself cuter in his facebook pictures: put a cute inanimate object in your picture and pretend it is alive...zany! Then people can't help but see you as good old sock puppet James, or old paint-canny Ned.

It's weird though because moms carrying their babies don't get any cuter just because they are holding a cute thing. If anything they look dowdier, like they have had all the youth\cute sucked out of them and it is now wholly contained in this cute little ball that you can't stop staring and making ;0 faces at. And then once in a while you try to awkwardly smile at the mom as if to say "precious...just precious...congratulations. the miracle of life." and then both of you know that you are only doing it so you can look at the baby more. And eventually you have to stop looking at the baby because it becomes awkward even though you know it only stopped crying because of you and your funny faces and that it should be YOUR BABY. I mean what...nothing. Whoo single ladies! Am I right?

Friday, December 12, 2008

Suleiman, glorious city of Ottawa

Submitted by Ashley: "Yaaaaaaayyy boooooooyssss!!!"

Well put Ashley. Anyways, did you know that Ottawa is the capital of Canada?!?!?! Well you should!!!!! I can name all the presidents in your nation's history! Yes even you Finland! Do you even know who the president of Canada is?!?!?!?

Trick! We have a Prime Minister! Actually it seems we have a queen now. If you don't know what I'm referring to it's because no one cares about poor old spinster Canada. No one wants to make her breakfast in the morning or still think she's beautiful even if she stops waxing because she has the relationship lazies.

This boy's name isn't really Suleiman. He just looks like my ex-roomate Suleiman who hated me more than life...probably because I was toooooooooooo awesome and because I yell when I talk.

Brown boys are underrated. They can be really babe. Like have you ever seen top Bollywood movie "Lagaan"? OMG the star is so hunk. I think their only downfall is wearing really ugly sweatshirts with swirly patterns on them and having really bad haircuts with swirly patterns in them.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Nik, Toronto

Submitted by Brooke photography by Andrea Raymond: "Nik makes really nice drawings and sleeps on his couch instead of in his bed"

Wait wait wait...but does he makes art?

Also. no really. I like it. I love it even. I think I would be scared of this person. Actually his last name sounds familiar I probably have already met him and been intimidated.

And maybe I should stop internet talking shit about boys in Toronto because I've already told everyone I know there that I want to sleep with them and\or think they have ugly clothes and it's going to be really shit when I go back. (It's kind of like when your friends break up with their shit boyfriends and you blow up the dam and say "Fucking finally. Man he was way too lame for you also he had B.O. and everyone talked about it" and then they get back together and you are foiled.)

And maybe I'm not very modern with my fashion because the first time I saw skinny jeans I thought "puh! that will never last!" so maybe there are new trends about which I am not hip to their ironic revival.

But...I just...skate shoes?(cropped) I don't know...I don't like.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Update: This Guy

I saw this boy on the RER A train today. I stared at him for four stations straight to make sure it was him (and those are RER stations not subway stations! That's like ten minutes at least!) It was sooo him.

I didn't talk to him cause he had both his scary winter poofy jacket homie wear and his subway-riding angry attitude face on. Sorry friends, the hilarious peace-sign giving camera-jumping-in-front-of character we all knew and loved has vanished forever!

I considered talking to him so as to force an awkward situation for the sole purpose of writing about it later but I wasn't in the mood to be all "Cyuuuut am I right?!?!?! I'm a foreigner! I do weird things! Gotta love me!" Then bang him on the head with a frying pan .(Remember!!!!!?!?!?!?!? Dinosaurs!)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Kevin, Paris

There are two types of Gryffindors. There are the ones like Ron who tend towards Hufflepuff (these are usually my boyfriends. Or else they are pure Hufflepuff. Or Slytherin. Though one time I dated a Ravenclaw and he was soooooo boring) and then there are the ones like Harry who, with their strength and power, could risk becoming Slytherin! But you know they never will! Because they are sooo Harry Potter!

Kevin is the latter. Though he looks like he could silently judge you standing there in the corner with his poofy French hair and sweater. And then make you feel so bad about yourself that you try to hide it by acting extra whatever the lame way you were acting.

But no. He uses his power for good. Like making all his friends dress up as the nativity scene or making art with French magazines from the 50s or dressing like a gay to be more fashionable even though he risks the verbal abuse of other Parisians (they are sooo Slytherin)

Friday, December 5, 2008

Clement, Paris

This is Clement. He's really nice and he is also the frenchest French person ever. To prove this I will describe him the way a French person would:

a)smoke a lot ceegarette
b)beeg hair of like singer of dees group of music Joosteece
c)loving for comics and manga

Loving manga isn't usually an attractive quality to me. It reminds me of this time I accidentally slept with a crazy person (twice) who liked to freestyle about mangalike themes like sleeping with alien Japanese schoolgirls with three vaginas. But, the consequences of teen drug use aside, French people get a cultural handicap that makes it acceptable for them to both like manga obsessively and...I can't think of another thing...I don't know...wear berets. THEY ARE ALWAYS WEARING BERETS (lie).

*Update: I just noticed something. Don't you think Clement looks like that French Ken on the banner?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Frankie, In Da Club

Submitted by Amy: "here is my darling best friend Frankie"

Oh man I totally forgot about the Gino Revolution!!!!!!!!! Frankie is really a top gino specimen. What do you think? Are you ready for his gel-y (PUN!) or is he too ginoliscious for you??!!??

I bet one million dollars that he is drinking a mojito and that he enjoys automobile-themed magazines. And by dollars I mean jellybeans. And by jellybeans I mean units of nothingness because I cannot afford one million jellybeans plus who even wants jellybeans. This paragraph contains the word jellybeans too many times.

PS Are Ginos allowed to be "darling"? I thought that they preferred to be called "chill" or "nice" (not as in "kind" but as in "cool")

PPS jellybeans.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Brad, Glorious Canadian Wilderness

Submitted by Brooke "Dear CBMMN, Remember that time I didn't know you and you came to my birthday party? Anyways, this is Brad, he reads a book a day".

1- Yes I do remember that time I drunkenly wandered into your birthday party uninvited. Earlier I had also snuck into to some company's staff party and drank lots of their alcohols and gotten away scott free! haHA! Sneakily drinking alone while surrounded by strangers is the new not drinking alone!!!!

2-Ah reading a book a day. That goes perfectly with the rest of Brad's all-Canadian look. What with his trees and his tent and his self-satisfied socialist picnic table queen of england polar bear currency grin. Though he should probably be eating a granny smith apple or butternut squash instead of a banana. And be wearing a beer hat with one straw descending from a can of molson Canadian and the other from a can of maple syrup. And there should be french subtitles and a George Stromboalapoaloos being totally rad in the background applying gel to the hair of everyone around him and adding chains to their pants and talking about hard hitting issues in a hip and\or cool way that appeals to parents and kids alike.

3-Didn't Brad used to be a Cheese Hunk????