In Internetland one can white-out the Indian tapestries on the wall and labrette piercings can be made barely visible and you can have a dreamboat. Unlike in real life where these details cannot be erased and are complete dealbreakers. Or not even breakers because you will never make the deal to begin with.
My mother doesn't understand how important things like this are. Which is probably why she called me from Canada to leave a message saying "oh hello. I just thought I'd tell you about the T.V. special I saw last night. It was about women who kept rejecting men for petty reasons when they were young and cute. Then all of a sudden they realized they were 50 and alone. And that they would just be alone until they died. It was sad really. Anyways, call me back!"
p.s. adorably drunk = not barfing?