Friday, October 31, 2008

Fanfare Superstar!




There is a very special subculture in Paris, the brass band or "Fanfare" (rhymes with Superstar*) culture. They have secret parties under bridges and they always wear funny costumes. And people skank. All over the place. There can even be entire fanfare nights and festivals!

The boys are always hot in a stinky, a little bit bad style way. But it has a particular aesthetic that isn't random, meaning it's something intentional that is being strived for, which makes being the most stinky-badstyley person hot. (1-1+1=1=1?!?!??!?!)

But probably the best thing about fanfares is that the girls in them are always suuuuch Liz Lemons because the boys can see their inner-beauty (I'm assuming\projecting).Though they are not pictured because of the well-know now betches policy. Actually wait you can see half of a Liz Lemon in the first picture.

Ack why did I quit trombone lessons? Oh yeah because it made my lips numb, I hated it and I sucked.

*This fanfare is Called Fanfare Superstar.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ramone*, Toronto

Submission from Jocelyn in the T-dot: ¨Here is a picture of my ex-bf. Although he probably hates me now, I still think he's the cutest boy ever. I don't have anything funny to say, sorry.¨

Sometimes the funniness is already included in the action. For instance when you slip on a banana peel. Sure you can say something witty afterwards like ¨woah I guess I´m not as mellow yellow as that yellow banana peel on which I just slipped¨ and make a funny situation THAT MUCH funnier. But it´s not necessary.

So sending a picture of your ex-boyfriend pantsless is already the greatest thing of my life, even if you didn´t make a hilarious, like...oh I don´t know...¨Looks like he left his PANTS where he left our relationship. On the floor!¨ No? Too soon?

*Name has been changed to the sexiest name ever

Monday, October 27, 2008

Valentino, Paris

What do you get when you mix a homo with an Italian? The most homo and bestest thing ever!

I take a French class with Valentino and what is so hilarious besides his being really gay about everything is that the French teacher clearly has never met a gay person in her life ever and has the most malfunctioning gaydar I have ever seen. Thus the course usually degenerates into a series of things going over her head while everyone else giggles.

Ex:

Teacher: so do you party a lot in Italy?

V: Honey puhleeze. We party all night! We're right by the beach so you go to the club first then the beach after with whoever you meet if you know what I mean!!! HAHA Whoo!

Teacher: So you would meet a girl then take a girl to the beach after?

V: A girl?!? No I would NEVER take a girl to the beach. HAHAHA!

Teacher: Oh so you don't like taking your girls to the beach. You like to maybe take them out for dinner or another date activity?

V: (Looks around the room making a WTF face) you could say that HAHA!

Teacher: Oh ok. Good. That's very gentlemanly of you. You must be a real hit with the ladies!

V: And the gentlemen!!

T: Oh you have lots of friends too! A real top popular guy! Well hoorah! Hoorah for you!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Andrew, Toronto

A close source told me that Andrew reads CBMMN. Does that make him gay? Or just such an advanced heterosexual that he is able to admit it? And by admit it I mean have a friend tell on him when he isn't around to defend himself.

If boys were smart they would read CBMNN every day to learn how to improve themselves. Kind of like how I read Maxim. Before I would have never thought of wearing a bra for a shirt and an undies for a pants. Or for you British people "a pants for a trousers".

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Jay, Toronto

Jay manages a really cyut restaurant in Toronto and I think he might also do some other cool stuff. And he too is obviously really cute and also "zany", in fact have drunkenly hit on him before (though that doesn't say much as the honour extends to most of Toronto's 16-35 male population).

That being said. And I'm not trying to be mean or spiteful because I "got rejected" (whatever. what does that even mean. pff. doesn't even mean anything) but does his Adam's apple resemble something else to you?

Hint: you can only see your own in the mirror

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Update: Kaelah

Toronto's NOW Magazine did a DJ spotlight on veteran cuteboy Kaewonder last month. Quick on the draw as usual NOW. I have an idea, maybe you should switch the name of your magazine from "NOW" to "FOUR MONTHS AGO".

PUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scoffing exhalation of air)


I kid. Kudos NOW. Kudos.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Theme Song!

Here is the CBMMN themesong\video I shot with my friends this weekend!!!!

LOLZ joking! I don't look like any of those dancers! For starters I have feet for hands and bloody ankles for feet.

Don't you hate how actresses these days all have fingers on their hands while male actors can have any number of different things for hands? Scissorhands for example? Or Captain Hooks?

It's given me such a complex that I have actually started gluing cardboard tubes covered in peach felt to my toenails ("hand"nails). Sometimes this prevents me from doing little stuff like turning door knobs. But in general men seem to find me more attractive because of it.

The only drawback is that when it's time for that long-awaited end of the night back pat or...dare I?...hand shake, they often fall off. And then the guy gets a little"oh shit I broke your finger off! aaagghahgh!" and runs away. Then I'm left with bluehands.

Warning about video: Though initially promising it only stays funny for about ten seconds.

Monday, October 20, 2008

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I often recieve pictures of boyfriends\ex-boyfriends\gay boyfriends\"platonic" best friends. People have suggested many times that I open the blog up for submissions but I resisted the idea because I wanted to keep all the boyfriends to myself.

But as we head into an era of socialism I feel like two hundred boyfriends should be enough for anybody. One must learn to make due with what they have. Plus my harem bills are getting cuhrazy with all this economy shiz! You should see my cornucopia and chaise longue bills !!!
So I am opening up the blog to you peoples. I will still take pictures but I will also post your pictures. I won't necessarily post all of them. But I promise that if I think someone is not cute I won't post them and make fun of them. I will only make fun of hot yet jerk ex-boyfriends that you specifically request be subjected to an old fashioned public shamin'.


Here are a few guidelines:

-I like: skinnies, beardos, ginos, homos, homos dressed like girls, butch girls dressed like boys, teens\youth, people who hate the photographer, non-whites with indie\whitey style and boys doing something funnee.

-I especially like pictures from countries not yet represented on the blog.

-I like as good quality\in focus pictures as possible

-I would love it if you used this as a tool to hit on boys. If you do and are successful please tell us about it. If you get hilariously rejected also tell us about it! The whole point of CBMMN is the acquisition of many many beautiful boyfriends!

-With your picture tell us a little something about taking the picture or, if you know the boy already, something about him. Like if you ever totally made out.

Please send submissions to: cuteboysmakemenervous@gmail.com

*Our beautiful model today was submitted by Maggie in London. His name is Max. This is a perfect submission example. He's a skinny, can't really see his face but he seems cute, he's wearing a plaid shirt, and he's doing something "zany" aka playing that little guitar which I have been informed is part of some sort of "rock and roll" nintendo game.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Camille, Paris

Today's cute boy is a cute butch for two reasons:

1-Lesbians are in
2-I'm fucking edgy

Friday, October 17, 2008

Quentin, Paris

Woah I've gone three days without posting. Probably because of the massive hate-on I've been experiencing towards France lately and consequently all its inhabitants. Even Paris' top babes aka tough looking dudes who ride motorcycles and have their hair shaved the same length as their beards, suddenly remind me of the clockwork Orange guys. What are those guys called again, jookies? joomblies? gloopties? Something funny yet ominous like this.

Anyways, here's one fer ya. His name is Quentin and he's the singer for French rock and\or electro band Pollux from Rio. Veteran cuteboy Richard is also in this band.

What do you guys think about French bands who sing in English? Personally I find it annoying, then later charming, but with a sprinklin' of still annoying.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Interview FAIL: Latin Lovers

*At this point all MOMS should stop reading. However, if they choose to keep reading, that which is read will be treated as inadmissible and shall not result in omission of snack packs from lunch boxes nor installation of additional padlocks on the liquor cabinet. Also, any and all information acquired should under no circumstances be transmitted to DADS.

Sorry about that. Anyways, about a month ago I contacted Jose and Rigo, owners and designers of the Colombian clothing line "Latin Lover". Although North Americans and Europeans may not have heard of it, it is pretty famous in South America. Which is kind of like being famous in Canada or dressing up like a famous person for halloween.

A few years ago I had an awkward threesome with them which I freaked out about and aborted--otherwise known as a regular threesome--and I thought it would be a good idea to interview them about it. After initially agreeing to an interview they abruptly stopped answering my emails once I sent them the questions.

I'm posting the one-sided interview anyways because it shouldn't go to waste just because some people are embarassed about their involvement with Canada's 15 000 000th most beautiful woman:

CBMMN: What was the inspiration for Latin Lover?

CBMMN: Has having a successful line of clothing made you have more girlfriends?

CBMMN: What is new and exciting at Latin Lover this season?

CBMMN: Remember that time we had an awkward threesome?

CBMMN: I was given the impression that if we made out I would get a free t-shirt but I didn't get one. That's a question.

CBMMN: That's ok I don't have threesomes for profit, that would make me a prostitute. Instead I have them for jarring memories that make me grimace involuntarily...you know why? Because I respect myself.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Brook, Toronto

I was actually hoping to get a picture of this exact boy before heading back to Paris (aka city of hysterical anger). He is always walking around Kensington market smiling at people and he is also the head chef at La Palette which is one of my top favourite restaurants in Toronto.

On a historical note, this last Toronto picture was taken at almost the exact spot where I took my first non-friend cuteboy picture of Edward, the one that set off a shitstorm of bitter balding male commentary on the Torontoist.

Back to Brook for a second. You know why he's so cute, besides genetics? Because he's mastered the female art of always making a cute face. I am alway trying to make cute faces while I walk down the street. Faces such as the "oh I forgot something!" face, or the "math is hard" face, or "yay! cookies!" face. Or as Brook is modeling for us, the "awww shucks" face.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Angry, Toronto

Wow this guys loves me. It's like I can you can actually see his heart melting.

On a non-love-at-first-sight-note, it's crazy how much better non-whites look when they wear whitey hipster things like big glasses. This boy should tell his AZN friends it's time to trade in their aerodynamic white running shoes and diamonelle earrings. Or maybe not...They would be too powerful.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Teen Waiter, Joliette

I feel a little bit bad about this teen.

I took advantage of the fact that he was handing out hors d'oeuvres to take his picture and I could tell he wasn't happy about it. I've handed out hors d'oeuvres before and it's really shitty. Except when you leave some on the tray and eat them in the back room so fast so you can't chew or taste them. Another fun trick is charging the open bar for extra bottles of champagne and then crouching down to drink them behind the bar.

Also, one time this girl I worked with spit in a woman's cappucino! Isn't that outrageous?

Waitasecond...there was a particularly pungeant cream sauce on the chicken we were served that evening. And he's a teen...did you know it's easier for them to create pungeant cream sauce than it is to pee at that age?

Oh well...it's nothing I haven't tasted before...zing!

Wait :(

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Steve, Joliette

Steve is now a member of my family, so I'm assuming no one told him about the perv gene that attaches to all the XX chromosomes in our family...well...Surprise!

Good though, because with Steve as a family member I am officially part Colombian. Or "have Colombian blood" as I prefer to call it. So now, whenever someone mentions racism around me I can say "well, you know I'm a minority myself and I've never felt any discrimination so...I don't know...maybe people have to believe in themselves more? It's hard being both colonizer and colonized but...I just try to stay strong I guess"

Man. I'm so brave.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Family Hour Happy Time Quiz!!!!!!!!!!











Here are my cousins members as promised. In order of appearance: Jean-Marc, Paul, Marc, Micheal, Frederic, Alex.

As I mentioned yesterday all my HAlarious incest jokes are no longer possible because my family will be reading. Isn't incest gross BTW? Ewwwww sooo unnatural! Barforama!

However, since our last contest brought us all so many LOLZ, the jokes have been replaced with a fun quiz! The person with the most right answers wins a special "Paris Gypsy Market Garbage for Sale" prizepack. Or if Winner Kyle does not want to claim his prize, a wonderful Men in Black prizepack! Please answer in the comments section!!!!!!!!!

AND FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GUESS. fuck.


1) Which cousin is going to play pro volleyball in Germany?


2) Which cousin is French as a first language?


3) Which pair are brothers? (two answers)


4) Which cousin was in the army?


5) Which cousin got so drunk at the wedding he was almost arrested? (hahahah!)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tim, Joliette

OMG what a babe! Not a relative either btw so I'm allowed to be enthusiastic. Speaking of relatives my plans for hilarious incest jokes has been ruined since drunk moms sink ships and now everyone in the family will be reading to see what I write about them.

You know what's great about suits? They let you imagine the wearer has any style you like. For all I know Tim could like wearing teeva sandals and ratty baseball caps.

Monday, October 6, 2008

WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!


CONGRATULATIONS TO KYLE FROM KALIFORNIA!!!! YOU HAVE WON THE AMAZING M.I.B. PRIZEPACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is what WINNER Kyle had to say:
"I live in a suburb of Los Angeles that is painfully deficient of cute boys. But finding them is such a delightful surprise! These two were on a local hill used for nighttime gatherings by our cherished youth. Both seemed pretty awkward about their pictures, (souls?) being taken, but cute has shown through! Enjoy these boys!"
The reason this is a winner is that these are my favorite type of boys: young, easily manipulated cookie cutter skinny beardos who go to American Apparel like it´s church. If it wasn't for the checkered Vans I would probably be nervous around them for a few solid seconds.
But the real reason this is the winner is that I have a suspicious that Kyle pretended to be a gay man, also named Kyle, and then took a picture of himself and his friend and sent them in.
Kyle you and your friend deserve ten Men in Black prizepacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But sorry I am not a millionaire!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Honourable Mention the second!!!!! A Real Honour!!!


Submitted by Maddie:

"This teen-beat heart-throb was scouted, whilst building housing in Dominican Republic, for a Spanish LAUNDRY DETERGENT COMMERCIAL. A do-rag? And he smells like clean laundry. Yah um okay"

I know what you're thinking. "Maddie! That's not a do-rag that's a baseball sport hat!".

I cut out the do-rag boy but you can still see his hand. Because I prefer short latinos with underpanty-pants. They are so bad! Look how bad this guy is! His hat isn't even completely on his head because he was too busy breaking rules to put it on completely. It looks like he is about to start Spanglish rapping

example:

Reggaetonton, puerto puerto rico,

now i'm rapping in English, I'm hard, watch out mi chorizo es tan rico

My voice is modified to make it a robot voice! I don't play around!

I'm a pitbull! ruff. I'll bite you bite you. shake it shake it. to the ground.

shake it shake it, eres loca,

chupa la chupa la, reggaeraggeatonton. (repeat in different robot voices)

As for being in a laundry soap commercial, that's a pretty high honour and everything, but people even thought I was a babe in South America and I'm no George Clooney. I think it has something to do with colonialism but I'm not going to get on my soapbox (pun!) since I just did a little bit racist caricature of latinos.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Honourable Mention the first!!!! Soooo Honourable!

Submitted by Danielle from Toronto:

"After 10 days of travelling in Ireland, I broke the only rule I had and made plans to meet a guy and his friends for a second night. About an hour into drinking with them, another one of their friends showed up and of course he was the cutest and youngest of all, reminding me why I had the rule in the first place.

My excitement at seeing his newly tattooed arm inspired a surprise reveal (shown in pic 1). Then my barely adequate radiohead fact basis was enough to stop me from pointing out the questionable mathematics and say 'oooh, radiohead' instead. He was so happy that I was the first to recognize it (apparently the tattoo artist asked him several times if he was suuuuuuuure) that he fell secretly and immediately in love with me! And I loved him too! Bah! Bros before hoes never works out for the hoes."

The reason I like this one is that it reminds me of that time that Ron Weasley got hot. Remember? How he was like the ugliest kid ever and then in the last Harry Potter everyone had to admit he was a babe and it was so embarrassing for everyone?

The other reason I like it is because I know how old Danielle is and she's at least a decade older than this teen. Winner!

Don't you love preying on teens?

Danielle! You're prize is absolutely nothing!!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

CONTEST RESULTS ARE IN!!!!!

OMG best week ever coming up!

-Contest results are in! So many amazing entries and also some ugbos! No offense! I choose ugbos too sometimes!!!!!! Who will be the winner of the amazing Men in Black prizepack including extra bonus surprise!!!?!!?!!?!! Who will get the prizeless and unsatisfying honourable mentions!?!?!?!?!

-Family reunion pictures!!!!!!!

-New CBMMN themesong!!!!!!!

-The last few Toronto boys for you!!!!!!

-Paris boys again!!!!!

-Gratuitious use of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***Wait! Time Zone difference! You still have 6 hours to submit an entry!!! Go Go Go!***