Saturday, November 29, 2008

Correction: Felix, Barcelona

In honour of my being in Barthelona this weekend here is an update on vintage Catalan Felix, who I called Felipe by accident. That is essentially the update, that his name is Felix. But here is the email he sent because he has a really cute case of the ESLs that will give you cancer in your heart:

"Hi, It's FĂ©lix (not Felipe). Really funny your blog. I remember you when we met at Parc de la Villette! And sorry for my english & my browning teeths!"

You had me at teeths. Oh wait that's the last word in the sentence...umm...*slowly starts walking out of room backwards talking on cellphone which didn't ring*

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Ferdi, Paris...and also a CONTEST!!!


Submitted by Rory : "This is my intern Ferdinand, aka Ferdi. He is from Rotterdam. At the office we all think he is a mini-babe/babe in training. After he ate these jelly beans he said that they would go 'straight to my thighs.' As if!"

If I had an intern I would want him to say inspiring things to me when I was feeling down. Things like "why look at your shoes when you can look at...THE STARS" and then the Ferdi would make a motion towards the stars, because we would be working outside at night, and sparkles would come out of his hands. Or else he would say "I made you a sandwich that makes you skinny" (and it would be true and the sandwich would be delicious because it would contain at least three fine European cheeses)

So I propose... a contest! The winner will get to be my intern!!! I have no work for you but you can put it on your resume if you have a really shitty resume that still includes the grocery store you worked at when you were fifteen. The real prize is:

TWO FREE PASSES TO THE MONTREAL PLANETARIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To enter the contest you must send two things:

1-A picture of yourself (if you are a boy) a picture of a boy (if you are a girl)
2-An inspirational quote that will lift my spirits

***Boy must be the writer of inspirational quote or else contribute to it like how a popstar contributes to the writing of their songs aka heavily. I only accept male, Ferdi-like interns. Please don't be lazy like a Ferdi but bonus points if your hair is thicker than your legs.***

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Interview WIN!!!

Popular citizen of the Democratic Republic of America, Ellen Frances, has just done an interview with top babe Me (pictured above). Click here to view it. The typography makes it look really professional.

Thank you friend!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Keegan and Jake, Boston


Submitted by Molly: "Keegan and Jake attempting to play DDR. Soo Cute. I also attached another one of Keegan- he is wearing the same shirt, like most most cute boys with one signature outfit".

1-Don't you hate it when your boyfriend wears something other than his signature outfit and you stop being attracted to him and realize how weak and shallow your relationship is?!?!? But then it's ok, too, because when he wears it you can like him again.
2-Wearing hats inside is only ok if it's a little cold inside or if it's a fashion hat made out of hard material. If you wear a hot hat while playing a challenging sport such as dance dance revolutions you are showing that you are trying for fashion. It is only ok to show you are trying for fashion if you show that you are also trying to hide trying for fashion. Or else you have have to be full out fashion like wear pants for a hat and a hat for a shirt and no pants.
3-I have figured out after a mere 6 months that I can modify the brightness and tint of my photos. Practicing my new skills I may have turned these boys into shiny ghosts...shiny love ghosts that is. winky smiley.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Russian, Northern U.S.A.

Submitted by Alison: "Russian is feared by none and loved by all. First he cuts off ze head,then he rips out ze bones. How I love little Rooskies, don't you? Booboo boo!"

What is this "booboo boo"? I do not know.

I don't know what Northern U.S.A. state this Russian is wildly brandishing knives in but I'm assuming it's Alaska. Because the two are right next to eachother, zing! ( I know that joke is so three weeks ago but...remember Sarah Palin? HAHAHA! Watanidiot)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Update: Eduardo, Bogota

I have recently had an MSN (remember MSN?) conversation with one of the original cuteboys Eduardo. He has just moved to Holland to do photography school. Or cinematography maybe.

Here is the comment he wrote on the last post about him. It was written a while ago but its is my favourite comment of all because it is written exactly the way Colombians talk:

"so, when i know [me], i was so impress becouse her eyes.... i want dance wiht her, i dance......and i like too much.. she like dance salsa... so i fron cali colombia, you know.. i really dance salsa-..- i want dance again wiht you!!!"

What he is describing there is my beautiful bloodshot glazed eyes, and sensual off-beat salsa dancing seduction. There is nothing sexier than a drunk North-American going "left right left left WHAT oops your foot. Oops on the floor. Heeheehee. This is fun!...Am I cultured yet?!?"

Mobias, Toronto

Submitted by Abby in Toronto: This is Mobias. He lives in Toronto and goes to art school for printmaking. He also reads CBMMN frequently even though he is straight.

Thank you Abby! He is really cute for a straight. I like how he is sad even though he is at the funnest place on earth!!! The fair!!!! That is just the artist attitude he needs to succeed!

Though I'm sorry but I had to change his outfit. If he wants to fit in with his printmaking classmates he must wear plaid only all the time!!!! And he must be sad even while eating ice-cream and having the world's bendiest arms.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Fabien, Paris

Fabien is make photographies, replicas of vintage bicycles and weird funny musics. I met him at a fabulous party where everyone was a cute artist or else had a good fake artist resume so we could all have fun pretend time and feel important.

The thing that is crazy though is that he's a policeman. Isn't that weird? All the policemen I know are, wait, I DON'T KNOW ANY POLICEMEN. Seriously, except when I get arrested they are the people I am least likely to interact with. I have a better chance of interacting with the following: criminals, gynocologists(coughstdscough), Canadian reality stars, Shell workers, dogs who think like humans and talk to me through their eyes, celebrities who will fall in love with me because I pretend not to know who they are and then they think I love them for the real them, pots of gold w\leprauchauns (evil), pots of gold with leprauchauns (gleeful\full o' beans), etc.

When he told me I thought it was one of those hAlarious "conspire to make this girl believe something absurd then all laugh at her" jokes. Like this time in high school where someone gave me a beer that turned out to be pee. Luckily the warmth of the cup tipped me off and that person got a face full of his own pee HAHAHA! REVENGE!

Anyways. Go listen to the lyrics of "Policeman in the clouds" ! Do it! It is one of the top cutest things of your life!!!!! And it's genius how it makes having one of the most reviled professions seem as cute and innocent as being a potter who makes pots shaped like cupcakes.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Vintage Interview FAIL: Boot Camp Clik

When I was younger I was pretty much exactly like the teen in StoryTelling ( I don't know if anyone remembers that movie). The scene I'm thinking of goes like this:

Interviewer: what are you going to be when you grow up?
Teen: Famous
Interviewer: how are you going to do that
Teen: you know...connections...

So when I moved to Toronto to be a famous writer that was pretty much my plan. Not actually writing or anything, just having connections. And within just a few weeks of being there my plan started to look like it just might work. My new friend was dating the editor of a magazine and he told us we could do some interviews for him.
He called us at 11pm one night and said to get ready because he was sending us into "the lion's den" in the morning. (He liked to scare teens...like lion's den? Who says that?). We were going to interview Boot Camp Clik who I had never heard of because I didn't know anything about anything.

We internetted them and read all their other interviews. We didn't understand what they were talking about most of the time. And then we stumbled upon this interesting fact: BCC had done an album with Tupac which was never released. Now maybe it was all the weed being smoked at the time but we decided that THIS would be the focus of the interview. That we would use HARD-HITTING journalism to get the truth from them! And once the Tupac mystery was revealed we would be FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After we had written our questions out on cuecards (I had just graduated high school so I thought I was being "professional") we stayed up until very late choosing our outfits. Oh god. I don't even want to get into what I wore. Just try to imagine what a middle-class white girl who has just moved to the big city would think was "hip-hop"...ow I'm getting a face cramp from cringeing so much.

The interview was at a hotel and we had envisioned hanging out in their luxury room where there would be champagne and platters of grapes and we would smoke joints with them and be the best of friends. But when we arrived a little late after having to purchase a disposable camera to take pictures there were already about fifty terrifying media people surrounding them in the lounge. Real ones, with those big rectangular cameras and real microphones (not 80s mini-tape dictation machines like some people...).

When we eventually sat down with them, surrounded by all the other media people, I fumbled with my cue cards as my friend held out the dictation machine to whoever was talking (cause it was so crappy we had to hold it right up to their faces). And unlike the interviewers before who had had a conversation with them I was unable to do anything but awkwardly read out my questions one after the other:

"so. where.did.you.grow.up? :)"

"so.what.are.your.musical.inspirations."

"so.what.was.your.favourite.collaboration" etc.etc.

Then I would pretend like I wasn't reading my cuecards for ooone second before quickly looking back down at my lap, again, like in high school.After an eternity in nerd years it came time for the HARD HITTING Tupac question. I put on my "let's get serious" tone which was a lot like my "I'm scared" tone. And got to it:

"so you did an album with Tupac, CORRECT?"

"yeah, it was called One Nation...it was about not having this East Coast West Coast separation...it was never released though"

"oh really? almost like...a conspiracy???????????"

"yeah...you could say that..haha"

"interesting...hmm...sooo anyways...WHO KILLED TUPAC?????"

I wish that was an exaggeration but that is exactly what I asked. I know because I have the interview on tape (which I will post one day if I ever figure out how to transfer mini-tape technology to computer)

The result was...well at the time I read it as shock and amazement that I had asked such a HARD HITTING question. But on re-listening to the tape it's clear that they are laughing at me, for quite a while. I actually remember one of them got up and was jumping around, like his laughter had possessed his body and he had to stand up and convulse to let it out...then they said "I don't think we're gonna answer that one...let's just say it's Big Red"

Which meant Suge Knight. We were hysterical on the walk home. We thought that we had gotten them to give up a clue that would crack open the Tupac mystery and have our names go down in history as the two GUMSHOES who pulled it off with only a dictation machine and a prayer. Until our triumphant return to our dorm where we realized that even the Asian kids already knew all about Suge Knight.
And all we were left with was our broken dreams, blurry disposable camera shots and permawedgie pants.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sam, Hartford CT

Sam submitted a picture of his lover Brian and not of himself but on his blog I noticed he was also really cute so here he is! Here he is passing off a blanket or sleeping bag as a reverse cape as only an arty homo can.

On top of being a hunk Sam does wonderful Harlequin romancey paintings of mens. He is like how I would be if I were a gay and had a talent other than being the most beautiful of all.

BIFFBs !!!!! (the "I" stands for Internet and the extra "B" is for Bargain!)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Invisible Fedora, St-Germain-des-Pres

This picture really doesn't do justice to this boy because of the flash. He was wearing a fedora...no not a fedora...you know the hats that are like little fedoras that all the kids are wearing these days? One of those.

He saw I was taking pictures of people so was hovering around me posing and fashionably smoking a cigarette and trying to make eye contact and get my attention. Fucking finally! Why don't all the boys do that? Maybe if I wore a fedora myself with a note that said "press" sticking out of it I would get a little bit more respect around this god-forsaken town.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Brian, Cambridge Mass.

Submitted by Sam: "Dear Cute Boys, I love your blog; my roommate and I read it a lot. I wanted to send you a picture of my lover and his cat. I hope you'll agree that this picture is outrageously cute, on the verge of sexy, even."

Yes I do agree! I like how Brian doesn't feel he needs to show a lot of skin like lots of boys these days (always walking around with v-necks down to their belly buttons and\or no pants, their hair un-hatted and hanging out all willy-nilly for anyone to see). On the same token I like how he keeps his eyes respectfully downcast at all times.

I also like how he is able to control evil space cats with his mind.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

David Sedaris Reading, St-Germain-des-Pres

Urg, why did I go to a David Sedaris reading? I don't even really like David Sedaris. I always skip the This American Life podcasts that have stories by him. And everyone there was the worst. Every anglophone older lady with long grey hair and kooky glasses, young poet with a fedora and brunette blog writer with bangs was crowded outside trying to catch the latest mildy funny (not haha funny) story and saying "oh, oh yeah, that's rich" after every sentence.

Luckily he also attracts fabulous melancholy French homos with the most perfectly tied scarves ever.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Kyle, Internetland

Submitted by Kyle: "Hey check this picture out! Tell me what you think"

Well, I think you are playing up to my well documented affection for homosexuals named Kyle. No matter, the name tag is a nice touch (in case we were tempted to apply the connotations of other popular hunk names like Brandon or Corey to you).

If you are not a gay I still applaud you for straightening your hair and shopping at popular clothing retailer H&M. The latter is probably why your shirt has worn right through into a fashionable spaghetti.

The other thing I think is that if this picture were longer I would be charged with shmild shmornography (*code...don't want any wily google searches)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yuppies!!!!!!!!!

What's the deal with yuppies? I hate them but then I am also maybe a teeny little bit attracted to them. Or maybe I'm just intrigued...like... why are these weird boring aliens so confident all the time? Do they know something I don't know?
To kick off my soul\hope destroying entry into the land of tasteful pantsuits here is a list I call "Pros and Cons (!!!!!)" or "Should I Do It With a Yuppie?"


Pros:

-You can enjoy your coke on the weekends off a crystal platter instead of off your maxed out student mastercard in a bathroom stall

-Have nice bodies because they go to the gym

-$$$

-You can drink martinis and olde tyme cocktails that use bitters on the regular instead of only during "fancy dressup" themed parties

-Make you feel that being an alcoholic is a respectable lifestyle choice

-While they are on business trips you can have your friends over to their condo for a fancy pretend being rich party.

-Enchant themselves with French perfume

-Keep fresh cut flowers in each room

-Free office supplies (office supplies!!!!!!!!!)

-You don't have to pay their rent, buy their groceries, go see their crappy band, or ask your mom to anonymously buy their artwork (hypothetical examples only!!!! *pulls on collar*)



Cons:

-When you wear lipstick and a frilly apron and make cupcakes it will lose its ironic dressup value and instead will just be seen as you responding to your biological programming

-Will sex you like a dirty whore but not in a fun\cute way and after you'll feel like a dirty whore instead of a funny girlfriend

-Might be squeemish about putting it in your bum because too out of it to realize all the kids are doing it these days

-Will make you feel mentally unstable for crying daily about your job\wardrobe\existence

-Will cheat on you with someone reaaaaally cheesy

-Will want you to go to the gym too (HAHAHA!)

-Will call his friends "the boys" (just barfed in mouth)

-Won't make you cute art presents, instead will buy a hallmark lovers card that says something like "one look, one kiss, one life...happy valentines day, only one of many" (I just thought of that myself! Not real card!) then give you a stupid present that isn't awesome at all and expensive in a non-pawnable way.

Still so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you think?!?!!?!??!!??!!?!?!? Also do you think I will be fired if I take pictures of people in the lobby on my lunch break?!?!?!?!!?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Message from Mom

Submitted by Mom in Ottawa : "Dear Daughter, it appears our attempts to Europeanize you as a child by giving you sips of our wine has ended in a drunk and slutty disaster. I am no longer going to read your blog so as to preserve the image I have of that sweet little girl who had no friends and who the boys threw garbage at (not because they had a crush on you like I told you by the way, whooooooeee you were one uuuuugli kid. Love mom."

I paraphrase a litte, but only for you youth who don't understand olde english anymore.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

La Fleche d'Or, Paris

Plaid shirts, v-necks, melodicas, glockenshpiels, beardos, the extra dimension we read into things because they're Euro...

Why don't they just put a bunch of puppies and kitties wearing Cat Prin costumes on stage alongside some babies dressed up as puppies and kitties.