CBMMN: Hello Paul!!!!
CBMMN: How are you?!!?!?!?!?
CBMMN: Good. Ok enough of this idle chit-chat. First, what is the deal with your roots? Because you speak English like a Southerner but French like a Parisian. Are you an alien that has learned to immitoot all humans exarctly?
Paul: Yes. But also I am half French, half from Bakersfield. My alien identity is, that is.
CBMMN: Weird!!!!! Why would you choose those two places? Don't answer that. Instead, tell me what the original plot of your book was.
Paul: Originally it was about a student who is half French, half from Bakersfield and his zany escapades and romances.
CBMMN: Funny! Sounds like a must read.
Paul: Yes. But it didn't stay that way.
CBMMN: What happened?
Paul: Well the publishing house felt that the concept of a dual citizen was too complex for the average American reader. So the main character had to be changed into a full French person.
CBMMN: It is complex!!! What is a dual citizen!?!?!!? Is it like someone who is half man half woman? Because I would never read a book about that!!! I would go to hell after fo sho!!!
Paul: Yes well. Exactly.
CBMMN: But that's not so bad. Changing the character I mean, not the going to hell part.
Paul: Well. What happened was, when it came time to market the book they felt that it would be also hard to sell the me as a dual citizen. They want their authors to be well defined characters like the book characters. So, basically they told everyone I was French. Only French.
CBMMN: And that you wrote a book in English?
Paul: Well yeah see. That was the whole marketing ploy. It was like "Wow this genius came to America, learned English in one second and is now sharing his cultural observations!"
CBMMN: How fraudulent! But what about at readings? Like, wouldn't people realize that there was no way that someone could learn English and have no accent so quickly?
Paul: Well that's the thing...sorry this is embarassing...they made me speak with a fake French accent at the readings.
CBMMN: What?!?!? BAHAHAHAHAH.
Paul: Yeah. I know. It still makes me cringe all the time. But I mean I only did it for the first few. Then I got horrified and started to make fun of the publishing house at the readings and telling people how they tried to pretend I was French.
CBMMN: Way to stand up to the man retroactively! There is something I don't understand about this story though.
Paul: What's that?
CBMMN: Couldn't they have just written something catchy like "This ain't 'Grapes of Wrath' more like...'Grapes of Laughs!'" on the cover and avoided this whole scandal? I would have bought a book that had that as the blurb.
Paul: Yes. Yes I suppose that could have worked too.
CBMMN: ps on your picture I photoshopped you a tight black shirt and turned your water into wine to improve your French cred, and also because I am Jesus.
Paul: Thank you. I will probably sell more books now.