Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dear Fiends!!!!!!!!!!

Dear friends. How is everything going in the glorious motherland? Snowing I bet. That's good. It's a sign of virility. Seriously. Anyways, here it is very warm.

I have included a picture of some of my homies, that's French for suitors. We all hung out in the park today on account of it being warm. Everyone was vying for my attention by climbing all over the playground and being like "look at me" and they did some chin-up competitions too. Then as a joke I tried to do a chin-up and couldn't and we were all laughing sooo hard cause they were just like "you're so skinny! how is it even possible that you can't do a chin-up when you weigh like 50 pounds!" and it was really really funny cause it's true. LOL!

And I know what you're thinking. Who's that naked guy!?! LOL! That's just Jean-Paul. He's a pretty zany guy, he's always naked. But it's actually pretty normal here. It's like a cultural thing, you probably wouldn't understand but its ok cause you're not Euro cultured like me.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Makeover Friday!!!!

French boys! Please stick to your strong point: jaunty scarves!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the first picture he is just your average boring hot guy who was good looking growing up so never had to learn to compensate for his ugliness by wearing cool clothes.

But doesn't he look so deep in the second one? Like he is thinking about funding for the arts. And literature...AT THE SAME TIME!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The L'ilest Homo, La Bastille

I probably shouldn't post this one considering all the dubious google hits that lead people to this site. And I'm not talking about:

"look at cute boy" "cute boy sensual" or "cute black boys with waves"

Monday, February 23, 2009

The thin line between gay and gino, Paris

I saw a billboard for French rugby today. It was pretty much the manliest thing I have ever seen. There was a giant exploding volcano and a dinosaur and two beefcakey guys wearing fluorescent rugby jerseys. Also the lava was fluorescent pink. Which brings me to my point: a lot of times the most macho things are also the gayest.

Example this guy:
In picture one, he is just another annoying guy who hits on you on the subway then starts stage whispering about how ugly you are when you ignore him.

But uh-oh who's that in picture two pursing his lips!?! Sassmaster Flash, ready to sass all my enemies into low self-esteem!!! That's right! Sass them good!!!!!

p.s. ignore that yokel in the background or else you might catch a case of the heebee-jeebees

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Outraged Gino, Lisbon

Yeah I'm taking a picture of you rolling a joint, and you love it. Quit being fake outraged.

p.s. I called the police.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Soldier, La Defense

It's always comforting to know that there are soldiers armed with automatic weapons patrolling outside my office. That way, if a plane crashes into it, they can kill that charred terrorist corpse dead. Like, really really dead.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Louis-Philippe, not at Parc Barbette yet

From afar I have a lot of trouble distinguishing whether someone is making a mean face because :

a)They are mean and will judge me and make me eat cake because at least cake will kiss me on the mouth, or

b)They are shy and scared of everybody ever

But up close L-P here was definitely the latter.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Vintage Interview FAIL: Kanye West

The idea to interview Kanye West came one drunken evening with a friend who was slurring on about how she would like to put him in his place. All I knew about Kanye West was that he was some guy who made the rap music, and if that sounds lame I just want to say that at the time, though he was already stadium famous, he wasn't like...BIG stadium famous. Just l'il stadiums. Teeny tiny l'il stadiums.

He was playing a show the following night so we hatched the PERFECT PLAN which involved:

1-Making lanyards that we printed off the internets with the name of a Toronto newspaper which we put in plastic pouches we had bought at Staples.

2-Wearing black carrier bags that we stuffed with binders so it would look like we had lots of documents (because journalists carry three ring binders that say PHL101 on them all the time)

3-Wearing "profesional" clothes, which meant wrinkly button-up shirts and too short dress pants.

4-Getting, not blind drunk, but at least visually-impaired drunk, so we would be better at playing it cool.

I wish I had a story of me being an idiot with Kanye West and him pouring water on my head or something, its the least I should have for all my trouble. But in fact it is even a bigger FAIL than that. We were too busy putting on our disguises to check what time the concert started. So when we arrived it had actually been over for like 2 hours. We still tried to get into some sort of secret party dressing room but the security guard was like "no. seriously. there is no one left in the stadium except for me."

Feeling dejected (though I was secretly relieved because I was so scared I had begun to emit defense-mechanism-B.O.) we began walking aimlessly down an industrial road on the outskirts of Toronto. Eventually we stumbled upon a huge crowd of people outside the worst club in the world which will remain nameless. Let's just say the owner let his girlfiriend do a really shitty giant mural of naked ladies that are crooked, and not in an artistic way but in an "I can't paint realistically even though that is clearly what I'm trying to do" way.

We walked up to the security guard and asked what all the hubub was about, because we were journalists and that's how they talk. Always using words like hubub and hullabaloo. It turned out Kanye West wasn't the only HOT act in town that night. Because only feet away from us was the tour bus for HANSON. Maybe we couldn't get Kanye but we could DEFINITELY get Hanson and that would be even sweeter, at least in jokes world.

What followed was two hours of the most extreme fronting you have ever seen. We figured if we just stood there long enough getting mixed up in our lies they would eventually relent. We had all the security staff on our side, and they offered to let us see the show for free, which we did for about 5 seconds before going back outside to smoke cigarettes and look professional, taking notes about the parking lot in our binders. Finally they sicked the tour manager on us who was maximum 18 years old with Avril Lavigne style, was clearly a HUGE Hanson fan and regaled us with stories of her tour managment school.

Talking to that girl pretty much ended the joke for us. The alcohol started to wear off, then we got really depressed about our lives and left before the concert was over. The End.

Friday, February 13, 2009

WINNERS: Kyle and Drew!!!!!!!!!

A few months ago millions of you competed for the ultimate MIB prizepack. I bet you thought it didn't really exist, that NO ONE would give away something so sweet. Well here is proof: WINNERS Kyle and Drew enjoying their wallet the way most of us do, as a sleek screen to hide our love kisses. Joke. Here is a l'il note from Kyle:
"BTW drew is straight. I think he was a bit concerned the faggy wallet/mouth picture would lead to confusion. "

I don't know...he couldn't be that concerned, he probably has realized that girls like a little bit of ambiguously gay, it makes them feel safe...and like sex is just joke, kind of like going lesbian for a's basically the same thing as giving a high five.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sylvain, Les Disquaires

You may not approve of the fabulous "art shirt" I have given Sylvain. But before you put my photoshoppe abilities into question, I just want to make it clear that this look is exactly one million times better than before. Even if you took away the makeup, you would think his face could negate any ugliness of shirt...but you would be wrong!

Same goes for his hair before I gave him a bowl cut.

Try to guess what the shirt\whole top look was!!!!!

p.s. Those lights coming out of his head are actually ideas...about art.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Another Jan 29 picture

Something is rotten in University. You know what else something is rotten in? Your sentence structure. Like, I get the general point of what you`re saying, but I don't really feel that something is rotten in the universities. Your ESLness is negating your credibility too much.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Chris, Toronto

Chris is a dashing man about town, but like many of the cool kids in big cities he is hiding the secret shame of being a very uncool town, in this case Ottawa.

JOKE! Ottawa is the breeding ground for most of the best people ever including:
-Top sexy pop artist (female) Alanis Morisette
-Top sexy pop artist (male) Brian Adams
-Top sitcom guy Chandler from Friends
-Top movie star Ryan Gosling
-Top joker (male) Tom Green
-Top joker (female) this guy !!! (you can't see but I am pointing at myself and not Chris).

P.S. Before he went crazy, the Ottawa Citizen had a breaking news story about how Tom Cruise, though not technically from Ottawa, did go to school there for a few years of his childhood.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Jon, Texas

Submitted by D: "Can you put just my first initial if you are posting my name. This town is small. I have a crush on this guy, but I have a bf in town. It would be funny, but also weird."

This guy reminds me of a male version of a female Guess model. The ones who are really hot but also look like they had an 8 month crystal meth habit three years ago which they replaced with drinking a lot.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Interview: Felix from B-town (that's Barcelona not Brampton)

Some of you may remember Felix from the summer and later an update. He is El Guincho's manager which, from what I can gather, means being a professional hang-out dude who travels around with his BFF wearing matching tight coloured pants and going to parties. Knowing him has made me impatient for my friends to get famous. (You know who you are you lazy talent wasters...step on it! I'm losing my youth!!!!!!!!!!).

CBMMN: When did you first start being a babe? Were you one of those handsome little kids or did you have more of a swan-like emergence in your later years?

Felix: Well, I don't know. To be honets I don't think If I am a babe or whatever. I prefer if my mother can answer this question.

CBMMN: Do you think that you are perceived as cuter outside of Spain because people think you`re exotic or in Spain because people think ``yay! Spanish people are the best!``

Felix: JAJAJA, I don't know as well, sorry. Not sure If I am exotic and not sure If people perceive me as cute. Even in Spain!

CBMMN: You have toured a lot and you have a nice tight pants look, so you must have been checking out other dudes` outfits. What do you think is the most stylish (babeliest) city you have seen?

Felix: When I was in Sidney I can tell people are really into trends and fashion. Maybe London is the other city I can add to this list. But to be honest I always see how people dress but I never copy any of them. I try to make my personal style.

CBMMN: I heard that there is a candy store in Barcelona that makes old fashioned candy where they pull the big strings of toffee in that olde tyme way. But that everyone who works there is young and cool and has tattoos. Is this true?

Felix: I don't know this shop! (Note: I did eventually go to this shop and though the candy was indeed made in the traditional style the people were not as cool-looking as I had hoped. One of the girls had pink dreads.)

CBMMN: What are your favourite places in Barcelona besides this candy store?

Felix: I love Barcelona. It's one of my favourite cities in the world. I love some cokctails-bars (Negroni), restaurants like "Miriot" or "La Singular", walking around the beach, have lunch close to the beach ect. Definitelly you have to go!

CBMMN: Since we're now Myspace friends (note: europeans still use myspace) does that mean we're real friends? Because I'm facebook friends with my exboyfriend and we are definitely not friends. In fact if I saw him on the street I would probably try to avoid eye contact and, failing that, have a fake cell phone conversation so I would only have to wave.

(Note: That last one wasn't answered so...I will just linger here awkwardly as if I had put my hand out for a high five that was never returned...aaand nooow I'mmm, brushing my hair back, because that is what I meant to do all along.)

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Chinese New Year, Vancouver

Submitted by JC: I was photographing everything, and managed to get this pic of this boy (even though I was with my manfriend at the time), by insisting I was simply mesmerized by the pinwheels on his bike. Manfriend did not believe me so much, but he accepted it. And yes, it is too bad that lady behind him makes it look like he has an extra croc-wearing leg.

Yes! That is what it is that I am talking about! Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
I would also like to add the following: year of the ox? more like year of the fox. (HAHAHA).