Sunday, February 15, 2009

Vintage Interview FAIL: Kanye West

The idea to interview Kanye West came one drunken evening with a friend who was slurring on about how she would like to put him in his place. All I knew about Kanye West was that he was some guy who made the rap music, and if that sounds lame I just want to say that at the time, though he was already stadium famous, he wasn't like...BIG stadium famous. Just l'il stadiums. Teeny tiny l'il stadiums.

He was playing a show the following night so we hatched the PERFECT PLAN which involved:

1-Making lanyards that we printed off the internets with the name of a Toronto newspaper which we put in plastic pouches we had bought at Staples.

2-Wearing black carrier bags that we stuffed with binders so it would look like we had lots of documents (because journalists carry three ring binders that say PHL101 on them all the time)

3-Wearing "profesional" clothes, which meant wrinkly button-up shirts and too short dress pants.

4-Getting, not blind drunk, but at least visually-impaired drunk, so we would be better at playing it cool.

I wish I had a story of me being an idiot with Kanye West and him pouring water on my head or something, its the least I should have for all my trouble. But in fact it is even a bigger FAIL than that. We were too busy putting on our disguises to check what time the concert started. So when we arrived it had actually been over for like 2 hours. We still tried to get into some sort of secret party dressing room but the security guard was like "no. seriously. there is no one left in the stadium except for me."

Feeling dejected (though I was secretly relieved because I was so scared I had begun to emit defense-mechanism-B.O.) we began walking aimlessly down an industrial road on the outskirts of Toronto. Eventually we stumbled upon a huge crowd of people outside the worst club in the world which will remain nameless. Let's just say the owner let his girlfiriend do a really shitty giant mural of naked ladies that are crooked, and not in an artistic way but in an "I can't paint realistically even though that is clearly what I'm trying to do" way.

We walked up to the security guard and asked what all the hubub was about, because we were journalists and that's how they talk. Always using words like hubub and hullabaloo. It turned out Kanye West wasn't the only HOT act in town that night. Because only feet away from us was the tour bus for HANSON. Maybe we couldn't get Kanye but we could DEFINITELY get Hanson and that would be even sweeter, at least in jokes world.

What followed was two hours of the most extreme fronting you have ever seen. We figured if we just stood there long enough getting mixed up in our lies they would eventually relent. We had all the security staff on our side, and they offered to let us see the show for free, which we did for about 5 seconds before going back outside to smoke cigarettes and look professional, taking notes about the parking lot in our binders. Finally they sicked the tour manager on us who was maximum 18 years old with Avril Lavigne style, was clearly a HUGE Hanson fan and regaled us with stories of her tour managment school.

Talking to that girl pretty much ended the joke for us. The alcohol started to wear off, then we got really depressed about our lives and left before the concert was over. The End.


50two said...

does the fact that you got free tickets not mean anything? :( i would have been happy with just that

Anonymous said...

good story

scottiecreepslock said...

but really though what was the name of the poorly-painted ladies club?

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

I can't tell you because then you will know that I exagerrated the details. I mean creatived them.

stephanie said...

Don't worry, because if you'd actually done the interview, all Kanye would have said was "I'm attractive, stylish, and the greatest by nature, and I will be the voice of this generation." Really.

Christine! said...

This one is probably my favorite post of all time.