Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Dude, Fes

I took this guy's picture from across the street while sitting on a bench drinking a coke (but "coke" was written in Arabic script! Exotic!). He knew I was taking his picture which is why he's looking at me funny. After he felt like he should do something so he came and sat next to me. But I didn't say anything cause I was lazy and what? We're gonna make out now or something? Gimmeabreak.

So we just kind of sat there like teamsters for a few minutes in silence until I felt enough time had elapsed for both of us to save face and pretend that he had had a reason to sit on that particular bench.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Berber Hunk, Outside Marrakech

Is it me or is hotness directly proportional to thickness of eyebrows!?!?!?! I think I'm off exoticizing latinos and onto exoticizing Berber boys who live in the mountains and speak every single european language plus arabic plus berber.

Unfortunately the person who asked me "Berber, Canada, married, mountains?"* was not this guy but our semi-retarded teen guide with acne who we hired out of pity and who's "guiding" was essentially touching our boobs and asses "accidentally" all afternoon.

* not racist because that is a direct quote

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Mohammed, Marrakech

The reason Mohammed looks so pissed off in this picture is that we caught him trying to rip us off. But in his defense, its hard to resist ripping off middle aged moms who keep accidentally paying with euros instead of dirhams and not noticing.

Friday, March 27, 2009

MORROCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I was in Morroco for one weeks and here's the weather report: It's raining. It's raining men. WAHGAHGahg!

There are no Arab kens except for this one. So to symbolically represent what is in store for you in the next few weeks here is a black ken and a white hippie ken in an arabic inspired shirt hugging. Both because brown + white = lighter brown and because in Morroco being gay is illegal, so men are paradoxically allowed to gay it up in public without rousing suspicions.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sparkly Sailor, New Orleans

Submitted by Glorious Guestblogger Margie : "Mardi Gras! Waaagh!"

I used to work in a restaurant with a sassy homosexual. One day he invented code words so we could openly question the patrons' sexualities without them realizing. The lesbians were called "Smart and Means" and gays "Sparkly Sailors".

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Brad, Newark

Submitted by Ashley: "Here you'll see Brad (he was my senior prom date 87 years ago. He ages well). He used to be in a band called Bjardkur Gang (Pronounced Bea Arthur Gang, of course, after the Golden Girl)."

Funny! He looks like a joker. It looks like he just made a quip about Shakespeare on an academic game show for high achievers. And everyone in the background is slapping their knees and saying "hoho, rich".

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Ben, Washington

Submitted by Jane Doe: "The ryan gosling-looking mother grizzly of a cute boy on the right is ben who lives in washington, dc. while this isn't the best photo of this babe, i picked the one that included his cute friend"

Yay! I love boys who are the world.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Quentin, Toronto via Moose Jaw

Submitted by Gina "Quentin hails from Moose Jaw, Sk, currently resides in Toronto and gets a thrill when wearing American Apparel. Overall he's a typical Western boy just trying to make something of himself in a big city".

I will admit that I and everyone else in Ontario is a little bit racist against people from the West. But I'm sure Quentin will be able to make it in the big city despite this. Make it big! However, although everyone gets a secret thrill from American Apparel (except me) it's probably best for him not to admit it. Oops too late!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Jose, Miami

Submitted by George: "This is Jose. He's totally gay but would probably do anything for a green card. ANYTHING"

Green card? Puh. Who cares about green cards anymore? All I keep hearing about is the Maple Leaf card. OMG coolest working permit ever!!!!!!! Everyone wants it the most!!!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Update: Taylor

Hey! Legendary cuteboy Taylor was in the do's and don'ts this month! NOT THAT I WAS READING VICE. :(

Ok...But it was only because the internet had run out of things to amuse me (I read the whole internet!) so I had to go back in time to my teens. AND IT WAS SO SWEET. I mean puh. It was so puh.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Ben, Delaware

Submitted by Ashley: "This is my friend Ben. Here he's brooding and smoking on the set of a play he directed, because . . . well, because the best kind of cute boys are the ones who brood and smoke. Right?"

You ARE right! Smoking cigarettes is such a modern classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

High School Flashback!!!! Amazing!!!!

Submitted by Rebecca: "Cons:all my friends make fun of me because he has a ponytail longer than mine, he doesn't know who I am, he is a year younger than me. Pros: he is the cutest boy ever and is my daydream boyfriend. I think the pros win!"

OMG I think this is my favourite submission of life! Doesn't it just give you an instant flashback to high school!?!?!??!

A time when a one year age difference was a really big deal. A time when the cool dudes ignored you in favour of teasing and pinching eachother because they didn't realize that this makes them look like\they are little homos (unless those guys aren't cool! Only be mean to popular kids!). And then there is that one brooding hunk who dares to have a really long ponytail and B different and is secretly cooler than everyone else but only U know it!

P.S. That dude sooo knows you took a picture of him and he probably thinks you were making fun of him! GO ASK HIM TO YOUR PROM!!!! QUICKLY BEFORE ITS TOO LATE AND HE BECOMES A LAME LAWYER IN OTTAWA (for example only).

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Update: Adem

Hey Adem,

I understand that you're young and that I said you were hot on the internet and that this may have led to many confusing questions for you. Questions about sexuality and the modern woman. But hey! I have an idea! How about you STOP GIVING MY NUMBER OUT TO YOUR COUSINS AND TELLING THEM I'LL DATE\SLEEP WITH THEM?!?!?!?

I am not too old to remember that in teen land you're allowed to telephone strangers and talk to them on the phone for four months without meeting them and that this means you're "going out" which then means that when you finally meet them you get to touch a boob. But though I have the youthful gleam of a young model and I hit on teenagers, I am in fact not a teen anymore so, seriously, stop it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Kevin, Indianapolis

Submitted by Lauren: "The boy in the jumpsuit is my pal, kevin. He's a model (obviously) and gay, so sad."

Really? He's gay? I would have never guessed. EVER.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Federico, NYC

Submitted by Ella: "This is a guy that I work with and sometimes casually internet stalk. I tried to pick just one picture, but I'm apparently a bigger creep than I thought. So in one he has a puppy because he's sensitive, in one he has a fanny pack because he's sassy, and in the other he has sex appeal because...he's sexy?"

I chose the fanny pack picture because besides looking sassy he also looks like he just inhaled whatever was in that spray-paint can and these are the types of boys I like, the boys who just wanting to have fun!

And speaking of casual internet stalking, I have the WORST casual internet stalking story! I typed in the search bar on facebook the name of some guy that I dated a long time ago, even though I'm so over him I swears. Then I got distracted by something, like a pile of pestulant garbage in the corner of my room that I had to tidy. Then when I went back to stalking about ten minutes later I realised that I had actually typed his name into my status bar!!!!!!!!!! OMG probably inconsequential yet still such a dramatic story when paired with multiple exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please it safe with internet stalking kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can sew my arm back on! You can't!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Two boys, Anonymousville

Submitted by Anonymous "Hey, I keep writing a little blurb about these two dudes and then deleting it. I can't make jokes about the terrible things I want them to do to me because I actually know who they are and it feels a little weird."

Guy on left: funnee friend you can never quite sleep with even if you purposely get drunk around him with the express purpose of doing so

Guy on right: Hot guy you end up sleeping with instead only to wake up and realize his room is decorated in a really cheezee way

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Cowboy Boots, Texas

Submitted by Jane "I live in cuteboys, texas, population ZERO it really suks! So what is a fertile attractive young girl supposed to do to besides contemplate lesbianism and or suicide and read cbmm? Troll peoples photostreams on flickr to find hot bearded talented photographers who also collect cowboy boots of course! I'm taping this guy's picture to every pair of underwear I own, not!! (kind of)"

Later, tragedy "I have bad news! Unless taking kissy pictures with groups of hot guys (on multiple occasions) is a totally straight thing to do now, im afraid this babe is batting for the other team"

Jane probably shouldn't feel bad about this guy being gay. Like I see where she's going with the whole Texas\vintage cowboy boot collecting because that's her thing. And he is pretty hot in the face too.

But, not to be libelous or anything (saying that makes me immune to libel charges, like how saying "no offense" makes people not take offense) this guy looks a little bit like a rapist and a lot like he is listening to Linkin Park through those giant headphones.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Felix, New York

Felix is a photographer in New York which accounts for this top sexy photo! You can see his photography here.

It's pretty cyut, but I'm not going to try to explain it in real art words or else there will be a repeat of the time I went on a date with a DJ and was like "I like how um, the music you play is weirdy. You know like, weirdy funny, but also like whooo beepbeep sillee."

Monday, March 2, 2009

Fleurian, Paris

Submitted by Julia: I used to study in London. One weekend I went to Paris and visited the Amelie cafe and the waitress sat me down next to this man, smoking, drinking vodka, writing in a journal - French-type stuff. He leaned against me and made small talk and asked for my address to visit me in London... sadly he didnt email me until after I left. Boo-hoo! Fleurian will forever have my French-bohemian heart.

This guy obvies thought Julia was hot babe and everything. But if you're a French dude hanging out at the Amelie cafe , doodling your name in a journal, and talking to English girls you are most likely engaging in the most brilliant hitting-on scheme since CBMMN. It's like shooting fish in a barrel, sexy lady fish.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Pierre, Paris

Pensive or crunk?