Friday, November 5, 2010

Dmitri, Sydney

Submitted by Rosie: "This is Dimitri. I can't like-like him because he was my little 12 year old friend when I was about 16. But he grew up pretty fine. He and his little group of buddies are all equally male-model esque and break lots of little indie girls hearts in my hometown. (I use the word 'little' too much.)"

Yup totallly good looking. But I have a philosophical question: do we hate this guy? Like...not hate but would this guy be nice to you even?

Ok wait i have a fully formed thought now: the problem with this guy is either he wouldn't love you enough or if he did love you enough it would break his whole image of being too good for you. He is like, some sort of Chinese finger trap that is made out of paper though so once it traps you you break it right away. (Think about it! it's a good metaphor! I just drunkexplained it)

Also the cigarette pose. please, friend. we all learned how to make our cheeks look skinny yeaaaars (1-5) ago.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Frat Boys, New Zealand

Submitted by Lucy: "only in NZ"

Well Lucy, I don't know how accurate that is, personally I would replace that caption with "only in every frat house/bachelor party/teen party/boring party in every country ever". But yeah. hot in the faces/bodies. This I will give you.

Also this is me doing an impression of the guy on the right: "hey check dis out. joke over here.durhurhur (dumb guy laugh)"

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Sluttines Bell Curve

I have been slutting it up quite a bit recently and I had nothing to do at work today. So I made an infographic which I think pretty much sums up everything you need to know ever.

On an unrelated note, I invented a new word: Slunt. Feel free to use it in all contexts to describe anything or anyone.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Cyut Gay, America

Subnitted by Christine: "This is my gay brother's gay roommate. He's probs the cutest thing ever to roam the earth. Come on! Look at those hipster glasses. They went to art school together. So typical for the gays. Is it weird that I'm jealous of my brother?

Also, don't worry they graduated from college so he's at least 22! That shouldn't make you feel too much like an ancient dinosaur (don't worry, I'm in the same boat)."

Woah your gay brother's gay roomate, this guy is pretty gay amirite? I likes it. But old. It doesn't even have a teen suffix.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Matt, Boston

Submitted by Heather: "This is my good friend Matt...[blablabla]..., and was always polite to the little fan club of girls that followed him around at the only person I know that kept their eyes open for the entirety of 2 Girls 1 Cup."

This is exactly the makeover I tried to give Will the Mormon a few days ago. I totally should have given him those "rock" earrings though to complete the look though. Kudos Matt, Kudos.

I don't know what it is about this look that works so well for even the homeliest of twentyteens but it does. It is the perfect transition look for teens/Mormons/Christians who want to switch from Christian side hugs to front hugs/dry humping once they get to the big city and away from mom and dad.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

So Awesome Video!!!

But What Makes You Like Like on Vimeo.

I am getting multimedia up in this betch! But don`t worry MS Paint I will NEVER forget you.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Freddy D: International Sensation!!!

Hey remember my male model muse/token mixed race hipster model Fred D.?

Well now he is an international sensation and he is gonna be showin' up on billboards in ya areaaa!

I am going to big him up now using a quote from my new favorite blog :

"Now we in the penthouse. They in the lobby. Gucci frames on. I don't see nobody."

That's so Fred right now. I bet. Not able to see anybody because of his dark sunglasses inside. Don't forget to throw some room service down into the lobby plz. tx.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

email FAIL

"hie em manish..
em 1st yr stdent..
em 19 yr old..
ma height iz 5'9"
weight 60
chest 36

cntct no. -------------

hope u like ma pics..

hello em womanish. em 25teen. Em don no what is measurements are (yes i do). Em scared that u pics r virus. R U ESL? Hope so ;) thanks yew!!!!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ivo, Netherlands

Submitted by Veeviian "This here, is the lovely Ivo. He's from the Netherlands and can be found looking adorable while pulling off those sunnies, playing his guitar and writing songs. i believe he well deserves his title in being a cutie, agreed?"

You know what? I don't even know old is this person? twelveteen? I think I like olds now. Nice name and being from a country I don't know much about though. Exoticism is always a treat!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Will, Utah (one can only assume)

" This is Will. I knew him when he lived in my hometown for a little bit. Good looks and he is a wholesome Mormon boy as well"

I have quite a few comments about this one. First of all, boys think that they can trick people with flattering camera posing because they don't know the hours, nay, the years that women and gays spend in front of the mirror practicing that shit not just for photo use but for all the time. Maybe I'm cray cray but does anyone else out there constantly hold their face in a concious pose? In public mine is usually of adorable confusion and surprise. Anyways, dude is sucking in his cheeks and pursing his lips.

Second, I have finally switched to actual photoshop instead of ye olde photoshoppe aka MS Paint. And although it's still obvious, it's less obvious, and I have to tell you that I gave this guy a much needed haircut of a lifetime. It definitely had "wholesome mormon boy" written all over it before.

Lastly, let's get serious folks. I really don't want to be mean. I want to be all about love and appreciation for the less attractive sex and give props to all you teens and twentyteens. But am I really sending the message that "A Wholesome Mormon Boy" would be something I wouldn't reflexively hate on? Mormons spend a third of their salary on the church! That is the mink coat and grillz money!!!! If God didn't want minks and grillz he wouldn't have invented them and given them such a glamourous sheen!!!

Also, I don't remember where I heard this, but I heard that Utah is completely surrounded by a deep gulch that is full of snakes. I know that sounds like a lie from the liberal media but I trust in that very same liberal media!!!!! Can someone back me up on this?

Mormon side hugs for all!!!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Paul, High School

Submitted by Zoe: "This is Paul. I went to high school with him and we were....just acquaintances. :( But I (and everyone else) admired from afar. Adorable and a HUGE nerd! Such a perfect combo."

My friend was telling me the other day about when she met Elizabeth Hurley. Apparently when you see her in real life her nose is grotesquely long and her cheekbones are so pronounced that they seem like ceiling fan buttons crookedly crazy glued to her face and that in real life she is basically a gargoyle. But she photographs gorgeous. That's how I feel about this guy a bit.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Steve, Estados Unidos

(photo removed)

Submitted by Samuel: " This is Steve. He is in my organic chemistry class. I was too scared to introduce myself to him. But now we've had lunch together and we're going to a movie next weekend. He calms my nerves because he is so chill and fun. :)"

Ok first of all I knoooow I haven't posted in two months. You think it doesn't kill me. Jesus! (and I am pronouncing that J like H, like how it's pronounced in famous sport in Jai Alai).

Part of the reason is that you keep sending me pictures of people who are like 12 year old Jonas Brothers half naked...DUDES...I can't post those pictures. Like legally I probably can but...fack. Hesus. I'm 25teen!!!!

But when I got this picture of Sassmaster Flash just after yelling at my prof "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" I was inspired to live another day...pursing my lips and wearing sunglasses in class.

So the moral of this story is...if you send me more pictures of sassy gays I will post more jokes and also...learn to stand up to authority without crying by creating a roster of sassy gay man faces with angel wings that fly around my head constantly and tell me to keep it flashy.